Never Let Go (Take My Hand) Read Online Free PDF Page A

what’s the other
one…” I took a second to wrack my frazzled brain. “Radiotherapy. Or drugs?
There must be some kind of drug out there, right?”
    “I start chemo this Friday,” he told me, and the
relief that surged through my veins caused my rigid muscles to relax. “But that
will only slow it down. They can’t cure
me, Emmie. I am going to die.”
    In my mind I was screaming at him again –
demanding he tell me it wasn’t true. I was kicking and fighting and practically
convulsing in a fit of rage. But when Chris scooted closer to me and placed his
hand on my shoulder, I realised I was completely motionless. The only thing moving
was the mournful stream of tears trickling down my cheeks.
    “I promise to fight this as long as I can,” Chris
began. “I don’t want to leave you, Emmie, and I swear I will fight this fucker
until I take my last breath. But… I don’t have that long, and I don’t want to
spend my last few months like this – surrounded by such sadness.”
    “Months?” I gasped before throwing my hand over my
mouth. “ Months? ” I repeated, silently
willing him to tell me I’d misheard.
    “Doctor says eight to ten.”
    “No,” I whimpered. “No, no no… this can’t be
happening.” I shook my head, wishing I could shake away the things I’d heard in
the past hour. “I need you! You’re my
big brother, my whole family… you can’t leave me alone.” I knew deep down I was
being selfish. He wasn’t doing this on purpose and the rational part of me knew
there was nothing he could do to change it. But… the pain in my chest was
excruciating. I needed to beg someone – anyone . I needed to be told this was all a huge mistake. If it
wasn’t, if my brother really was going to… die …
then I didn’t know how I was supposed to cope with that.
    “You won’t be alone. Whatever you think, you’ve got
Mum and Dad. You’ve got Rachel and Jared and a whole new family here with
Dexter and Sarah. You have so many people who love you, people who will help
you through this.”
    “You know, I was actually going to go and talk to Mum
and Dad this week. I was going to have it out with them – demand to know
why Mum hates me so much. But now… I guess none of that even matters.”
    “Emily, she doesn’t hate you. Why do you think that
all of a sudden?”
    “It’s not all of a sudden, Chris. She’s made it clear
for as long as I can remember.”
    “What are you talking about?” he pressed, confusion
forcing his eyebrows together.
    “Mum blames me for Livvie’s death,” I shrugged. “But
I’m not putting this crap on you now. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
    “That’s bollocks, Emmie! If something’s bothering you
then I want to know what it is. Why on earth would she blame you? You were just
a child.”
    “I don’t know why, I just know she does. She’s told me
more than once. I’ve tried so hard to make her happy over the years, to make
her proud of me… that’s why I went to university. I was so sure that would
please her… but-”
    “Whoa, slow down. I had no idea things were this bad.
Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
    “Because you got out of it. I figured you didn’t want
to be bothered by anything to do with them anymore.”
    “You’re probably right. But I’d have been bothered
about you . I can’t believe you kept
this from me. No kid should have to grow up feeling like that.”
    “And what could you have done? Nothing. It’s my own
fault. She only treats me like crap because I let her. I didn’t even realise
that until I started going to therapy with Dexter.”
    “And what the fuck does Dad think about all this?”
    “You know Dad – he lives in blissful ignorance.
I know he loves me… I just sometimes wonder if he loves Mum more. He must do,
otherwise he would have stuck up for you. It was all Mum who wanted you gone
but he didn’t do a damn thing to stop it. And now you’re going to…” Jeez that
word – the ‘D’ word. Why was