Never Be Lied to Again Read Online Free PDF Page B

in everyday life. When you're interested simply in making a point, you want to make sure the other person understands you. When you're deceitful or trying to cover up, your focus is internal—on how you sound and appear as you're relating the "facts." You're conscious of your every word and movement. You try to act in a certain way so you will be perceived as you want to be. Subtle difference, but a big distinction.
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    Another Dimension in Lying
    Here's a clear indication of a story that doesn't ring true. As careful as he may be in relating the details of an event, the liar often leaves out one crucial element—the point of view or the opinion of someone else. This is because it adds another dimension or layer to his thinking that the liar is usually not clever enough to come up with. While other people may be included in his story, another person's thoughts are not. Suppose you ask your girlfriend where she was last night. She tells you she had to work late. But you're not convinced that's true. So you press for more information and ask what she had for dinner. Here are two possible answers she might give:
    1. "Oh, I wasn't really hungry, so I just came home and watched TV with my roommate. She made pasta but I passed on it."
    2. "Oh, I wasn't really hungry, so I just came home and watched TV. My roommate was so shocked that I would actually skip a meal, especially her famous pasta dish."
    Both answers contain pretty much the same information, but the second adds another layer of thought—the room-ate's point of view. Our gut instinct might tell us that this answer is more believable and more likely to be true than the first one. Not including another's point of view in an answer doesn't immediately disqualify it. The inclusion of another's point of view, though, will often indicate that you're being told the truth.

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    Everything Went Perfectly!
    One thing is almost always missing from a story that's not true—what went wrong. Events that are made up rarely include any negative details. A person who is lying is concerned with getting her story straight, and her thoughts are essentially one-dimensional. This means only primary thoughts—which are positive. Negation is not a primary emotion. In much the same way that if I said "Don't think of an elephant," you couldn't do it. In order to process the information, you need to first think of an elephant. Ask a friend to tell you about her last vacation. She'll cover all of the bases, both positive and negative—maybe the food was good, maybe the flight was delayed. Then ask someone to make up a story about a vacation that she never went on.
    You'll notice that the elements are usually all positive. The luggage never gets lost on a made-up voyage.
    One caveat to this clue: if the story is used as an explanation as to why he was delayed or had to cancel plans, then obviously you can expect negatives. In that case this clue would not be helpful.
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    Is There Anything You Would Like to Know?
    A good liar may be practiced at answering questions so that she sounds truthful. But even the best will give themselves away by not asking the right questions. The reason for this is that the conversation is not real for the liar. After all, she's not interested in learning anything. She only wants to convince you that she is being truthful. For example, during their first intimate encounter, Randy asks his new girlfriend if she's ever been tested for AIDS. She responds with "Oh, yes, certainly," and continues on a bit about annual checkups, giving blood, etc. And then nothing! If she was concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then she would have asked him the same question. The liar is often unaware that coming across as truthful means both answering and asking questions.
    S U M M A R Y
    • We often see the world as a reflection of ourselves. If you're being accused of something, check your accuser's veracity.
    • Look at whether his focus is