Nanny Piggins and the Pursuit of Justice Read Online Free PDF Page A

may be a villainous international super-spy but she has worked hard and she is a very talented villainous super-spy. Anthea may be an incurable jewel thief but her dedication to apricot danishes rivals Mother Theresa’s dedication to the poor. And even Katerina, with her insatiable love of vegetables, even she has an admirable work ethic, getting up at 4 am every day to water her zucchinis. But Bramwell – he does nothing. He gloms from one job to the next, being fired for incompetence, gluttony and oversleeping. And to make matters worse, when he is between jobs he goes around claiming to be a . . . a . . . I can’t say it, it’s too mortifying.’
    ‘A terrorist?’ asked Derrick.
    ‘Worse,’ said Nanny Piggins.
    ‘A used car salesman?’ guessed Michael.
    ‘Much worse,’ said Nanny Piggins, hiding her face in shame.
    ‘A truancy officer?’ guessed Samantha.
    ‘No,’ whispered Nanny Piggins, dabbing away tears of shame. ‘He tells people he is a . . . poet.’
    ‘No!’ exclaimed all three horrified children.
    Nanny Piggins nodded her head and closed her eyes tight, trying to block out the disgrace. ‘He even tries to read his poetry to you if you can’t run away from him because you’ve broken your ankle or got your foot caught in a giant clam.’
    ‘No wonder you try so hard to disown him,’ said Samantha, giving her nanny a supportive hug.
    Just then a long limousine pulled up outside the shop.
    ‘He’s here!’ exclaimed Derrick.
    An anxious publicist rushed over to open the passenger door. The children were shocked to see Bramwell for the first time. They had assumed he would look like his sisters, but he did not. True, his facial features were similar, but there was one shocking dissimilarity. Bramwell was enormously fat. All Nanny Piggins’ sisters were extremely lean and athletic. But Bramwell was as round as he was tall. Admittedly, like his sisters he was only four foot tall, but still it was unusual to see someone who wasalso four foot wide.
    ‘Oh yes, I forgot to mention,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘That is the other shameful thing about Bramwell – he has a slight weight problem. Now, as you know, I am not normally one to judge a person for that. Eating is such a priority. But in Bramwell’s case, he is a pig, and it is such a cliché for a pig to be as fat as a pig.’
    Bramwell waddled across the store, smiling smugly and posing for photographs as he was waylaid by fans. Eventually he made his way to the front, and with the help of a good hard shove from his publicist, he managed to climb up onto the podium.
    ‘Good morning,’ said Bramwell, smiling down at his audience. ‘It is wonderful to see your adoring faces.’
    The audience clapped.
    ‘And ladies, no marriage proposals please,’ smirked Bramwell. ‘At least not until after my speech.’
    The women in the audience giggled.
    Bramwell took out his notes, winked at the audience, cleared his throat and began his speech. ‘People are always asking me, Bramwell Piggins, how did you come to be so wonderful at everything? Adventurer, inventor, medical breakthrougher,heroic rescuer, pastry chef extraordinaire . . . Does your talent know no bounds? And I’m afraid the simple answer is “no”. Even as a young piglet, my little sisters would sit and watch in awe as I explained particle physics, demonstrated jujitsu or whipped up a delicious batch of authentic Lebanese baklava. Obviously it was too much for them to ever emulate. But in their own simple way they enjoyed watching me be brilliant.’
    Nanny Piggins could bear it no longer. ‘Stop it!’ she shrieked. ‘Stop it at once before I am sick all over this cheap synthetic carpet.’
    Bramwell peered over the edge of his podium. He was too fat to see the front row, so he could not see who was yelling at him.
    ‘You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself!’ denounced Nanny Piggins. ‘If Mother were alive today she would sit on you to teach you a lesson about stealing