My Life as a Computer Cockroach Read Online Free PDF Page A

puddle of dude goo do? Will he ever be able to pull himself together? And, more important, is he really 100 percent pure milk chocolate or did they mess him up by putting in those stupid nuts or fruit or crispy rice thingies?
    â€œWally . . .”
    I tried to ignore the voice and kept on writing.
    And then, just when all is lost——
    â€œWally, come on downstairs!” It was Mom. “They’re talking about Coach Kilroy on TV again. You won’t believe what’s happening now!”
    I paused for a second and looked at my story. It was getting pretty weird. But even as I looked at it, I feared Choco Chum’s little fantasy was nothing compared to Coach Kilroy’s great big reality . . .
    I raced down the stairs doing my usual crash-and-burn routine. You know, the one where my feet kinda get tangled in the carpet at the top of the stairs and I kinda
    Crash, Crash, Crash
    tumble down the steps (making sure to catch each one on the way down) until I hit the lamp at the bottom, breaking it into a bazillion pieces.
    Of course, Dad was already there ready to help me up. Poor guy. All he wants is for me to be a real man like my superjock brothers, Burt and Brock. But before he has a chance to say anything, Mom shouts, “Hurry up, guys. The police chief is talking about Coach Kilroy.”
    â€œThe police chief ?” I cried as I limped into the room.
    â€œShh.” She motioned for me to be quiet as I joined the rest of the family, who were already watching the show. Sure enough, there was Police Chief O’Brien holding a news conference. Camera lights were flashing, videotapes were running, and Chief O’Brien was talking.
    â€œBy enhancing all of the video images and fingerprints, we are now positive that Mr. Kilroy is indeed the perpetrator of all seventeen bank robberies.”
    â€œWhat?” I cried.
    â€œShhh . . .” Mom and Dad both motioned for me to be quiet. “And by running a computer check, we’ve discovered another remarkable fact: Mr. Kilroy’s fingerprints and video image are an identical match to every unsolved crime in our city for the past five years.”
    â€œThat’s not true!” I shouted.
    â€œShhhhhhh . . .” Now everyone in the family was giving me the leaky tire routine.
    â€œBut, Ol’ Betsy is—”
    â€œWally!” they all cried.
    The chief continued, “We are as surprised as anyone that all of these crimes have suddenly been cleared up, but the evidence is crystal clear. One man, and one man only, is responsible . . . Coach Morton Kilroy.”
    The reporters began shouting a bunch of questions, but I barely heard them. I was still in a daze when the phone rang and Mom answered. A moment later, she called out to me, “Wally? Wally, it’s one of your little friends.”
    I don’t know how I managed, but somehow I shuffled over to the phone and answered, “Hello?”
    â€œDid you munch munch hear the news?” I could tell it was Opera by the perpetual crunching in my ear.
    â€œYeah . . .”
    â€œThere’s crunch crunch more.”
    â€œMore?” I croaked.
    â€œYeah, we’ve got to crunch munch have a meeting. Wall Street’s on her way over here now. You’ve got to munch crunch come, too. And bring Ol’ Betsy.”
    â€œWhy? What’s up?”
    â€œJust get over here as fast as you BURP can. It’s worse than you can BELCH believe. I gotta go!”
    â€œOpera . . . Opera!” No answer. He’d hung up.
    I returned the phone to its cradle. Because of his perpetual munching, I knew something was wrong. Normally, Opera eats a little junk food most of the time, but when he’s really nervous he eats a lot of junk food all of the time. And by the way he was scarfing down those empty carbos, I knew we were in for some major, big-time trouble.

Chapter 5
Uh-Oh x 2
    I knew things had gotten weirder the moment I saw the mound in