My Heart for Yours Read Online Free PDF Page A

phone in silence, not knowing what to say, but neither one of us willing to hang up, leading up to the day I left.
     
    The familiar smell of burgers and pie surrounds me as Tobin holds open the door. The large L-shaped diner looks the same. Same dark, cracked vinyl on the booths. Same stools at the long counter. This place reeks of my childhood. I remember coming here for lunch after church every Sunday. Now we have a chef to do all of our cooking for us. That is, on the nights when we’re actually home.
     
    “ DEAL-YUH GIN-TREE!” Missy pulls me into a hug that shoves her enormous boobs in my face as she laughs and squeezes me a few times. “Lord, girl, I wasn’t sure if we’d EVER see you again!!”
     
    Right. We’re in Crawford. Thinking I’d get to talk to Tobin in front of strangers was a ridiculous thought.
     
    I pull back to see her bleach blonde hair high on her head, pen behind her ear, and gum smacking in her mouth—she couldn’t fit the stereotype of a half-manager/waitress if she tried. She even has the uniform—red with a white apron and collar.
     
    “ Hey, Missy.” I push my hair back off my face, and it’s the first time that I’ve seen Tobin smile—at my expense no less. Missy is the beginning and end of most of the gossip that circulates through Crawford, and is always inappropriately affectionate.
     
    “ And you.” Missy frowns, and Tobin stiffens.
     
    I’m sure she’s about to say something that’ll just make him feel awful. Or maybe just give the guy more sympathy than he’d want right now.
     
    “ We’re starving.” I drag him to a table before Missy can go further, but once we’re there, I realize I’m holding Tobin’s arm. I’d wanted to touch him earlier, but now that I am, I remember I don’t get to touch Tobin anymore, and probably shouldn’t want it.
     
    “ Sorry.” I let go and step back, heart pounding, and still having no idea how I feel about being here, or if I should be.
     
    Missy’s greeting someone else who’s just come through the door.
     
    “ You saved me from Missy’s bosoms, I should thank you.” And Tobin actually has to hold in a smile, but his eyes are still hollowed out.
     
    I don’t know if the overwhelming sadness is because of me, or because of Eamon, but I hate seeing him this way.
     
    My phone buzzes in what has to be the millionth text today. I pull it out as we sit. I start to type a response that’ll be vague enough to keep Mercedes off my back, but realize that I’m sitting across from a guy who just lost his brother. I’ll call Mercedes later. I’m here for a funeral. I’m sure that’ll push at least some of her holier than thou attitude away.
     
    “ Sorry,” I say as I turn off my phone and set it in my purse.
     
    When was the last time I did that? Just turned it off? It feels good. Better than good.
     
    I rub my hands down the fabric of my dress, and wonder again how I thought it wouldn’t be too much. And my heels. Probably part of me forgot, and part of me wanted to show up back here and be looked at. Part of me wanted to look beautiful for Tobin. Like he’d care about something like that right now. Now I just feel a bit stupid, selfish, and petty.
     
    Tobin doesn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular. He’s in another world right now. One I really shouldn’t want to be a part of, but that I feel like he needs rescuing from. I don’t know what I expected would happen when I saw Tobin again. Nerves hit me as soon as I left D.C., but I was more worried we’d yell at each other. I didn’t expect this…confusion.
     

     

     

     

Five
     
    Tobin
     

     
    I weigh the salt and pepper shakers in each hand nervously. Girls never made me and Eamon nervous. Making girls sweat was our job. Delia was a completely different story. I don’t know what the point of me asking her here was. We don’t have anything left to say. There’s nothing left between us but a bunch of scars. Whatever used to be