My Former Self Read Online Free PDF Page A

me, that’s all. Anyway, let’s just have fun tonight, okay?”
    “Deal.”
    By eleven o’clock we are nearly done our stash of booze and need to bum off of our friends. This night is going to be messy.

Fall 2010
    I can feel the tears welling up inside of me. I don’t know when that started, but anytime I get mad now, I feel like crying. It is very annoying knowing that if I address how I am feeling with Dr. Roerke, I will turn into a blubbering mess—definitely not something I am going to allow myself to do. It’s just better to keep it inside: a lesson I learned many years ago.
    “Tonya, why didn’t you smile at him or something? I think you scared him off!” Cindy has evidently joined Dr. Roerke’s crusade to find me a boyfriend.
    “Guys! I’m seeing someone. I really don’t need any help.” This lie is getting old; I wonder if anyone actuallybelieves it. I never bring anyone to functions, I never receive personal phone calls like Cindy does, and I definitely don’t talk about anyone. Maybe I’ll have to start if I want them to believe me.
    I go to the washroom to compose myself, and as I do, I see Patrick speaking with Deb. It is not unusual to see someone in this office talking to someone else, but there is just something about the way they are being so secretive. I can’t really make out what is being said but I do hear Deb say, “I had no idea. When did you find out?” Then they notice me and stop whispering. Patrick moves back towards the front desk.
    Before the end of the day I get an e-mail from my sister, who is in town for the weekend. She has just arrived and asks me if she should pick anything up for supper. She comes up usually once a year and I go to see her in Montreal two or three times a year. It’s easier for me to go there because I don’t have a family. She is recently divorced and has a five-year-old. I tell her that I’ll be there shortly so we can decide on dinner. I usually finish early on Fridays and Patrick stays until closing. After the Aaron incident, I am more than ready to get out of there. I make sure Dr. Roerke is all right with me heading out, seeing as my sister’s here.
    “Go have fun with your sister. Maybe she’ll have more luck finding you a stand-up guy!” he laughs.
    I pack up my things and wish everyone a nice weekend. Once I leave the office, I feel my muscles relax and realize that I must have been tense all afternoon. As I walk to the bus stop, I am unable to stop the deluge of tears that were locked up inside of me earlier.

    “Hey, Sandy!” I walk in, thrilled to see my sister.
    “Hello, Ton.” She comes to the door and gives me a big hug.
    We catch up on all of the little things we haven’t discussed since the last time we spoke, which is about three months ago. I am not much of a phone person, and I never get on the computer once I am home from work. We talk about Dale, her ex, who she found out was having an affair with a woman from work. Vivian is her name and Sandy pronounces it in a way that illustrates her dislike of the woman. Dale teaches seventh grade, and Vivian is a guidance counsellor at the same school. Dale moved into her place after he left Sandy and she says they are still together. Their daughter, Anna, is the spitting image of Sandra and goes between homes from week to week. I don’t see her much, which is a shame; she is a great kid. She’s funny, just like her mom was when she was younger.
    Sandy went to college to become an educational assistant. She met Dale at the first school she workedin before she got moved to a high school just outside of Montreal. They only dated for about six months before they announced they were getting married. I never really liked Dale. He seemed so arrogant to me, but of course, I never said anything. I saw why she was attracted to him—he was very good-looking, with dark wavy hair and dark eyes. He cared a great deal about being in shape, which was obvious, especially when he wore