My Big Bottom Blessing Read Online Free PDF Page A

God's actions just don't seem fair. And I guess I'd have to say I'm glad. Let me tell you why.
    There was once a little boy named Bill who grew up the youngest of eight children. He was a very good boy, and he told his mom and dad that when he grew up he wanted to be a “wuka [worker], a dahday [daddy], and a ministow [minister].”
    As the boy grew into young adulthood, he made a very special decision. He would not mess around with dating a woman until it was the one he thought he would marry. He would not even kiss a woman until he found the one. And he stuck to it.
    The young boy grew to be a man who looked back at his growing years with no regrets. He had not given his body to any, though there were many who would have had him, for he was quite handsome. He did not spend his time unwisely, instead he went to college, learned to build houses, fix cars, and play several musical instruments.
    Then one day at church, Bill met a woman who intrigued him. Speaking to her casually here and there, he began to like her. In his heart he just knew she was the one. The one he had saved himself for all these years. The one he could give himself to completely.
    Now, I bet you are already forming a picture in your mind of the woman Bill would choose. She would be a virgin, of course…blonde, blue eyes, perfect body…pure as the driven snow. Don't you think that's what he deserved after all that restraint? It would only be fair.
    Well, guess what kind of woman God gave him? A young, fat, so-not-a-virgin, divorced single mom. That's right. He gave Bill me.
I CAN'T ACCEPT
    I was just as shocked as you probably are to learn that such an amazing man wanted me. I thought God was playing a really cruel joke…on Bill! He was way too good for me. Reflection and Trainer both agreed:
    REFLECTION : It is just so sad for that sweet boy that he s ending up with you. Think of how many men have…well, you know. Gross!!!
    TRAINER : Just wait until he sees your body naked. He's going to be sick. And when he touches you…Oh, I just can't think about it. ( Holds hand over mouth as if stifling barf. )
    Even though I didn't want to say goodbye to Bill, I knew they were right. It wasn't a fair exchange. He was way above my caliber, and I just knew it had to be obvious to everyone. I wanted to have a serious talk with Bill about it all—to let him know he deserved better, and I would understand if he wanted to keep looking.
    First, I needed to have a talk with God.
UNFAIR GOD (AGAIN)
    YOUNG FAT DIVORCED SINGLE MOM : God, how could You do this? How could You bring such an amazing man into my life—someone who loves You and loves Carli and…even loves me? You know I'm not good enough for him. It's just not fair for You to give him junk as a reward.
    GOD : You are right, it's not fair. It would be fair for you to pay the price for all the wrongs you have done. It would be fair for you to get what you deserve. But…I chose to take care of it all for you. My love for you surpasses what is or isn't fair. My perfect, sinless Son bled and died for every one of your sins. Every single one. When I look at you, Teasi, I see you through that blood. I see Bill through that blood. You are both clean. You are a perfect gift for Bill.
    For some divine reason, I didn't argue—not with God or myself. I just let those words sink deep into my heart, and somehow they muted all the objections waiting there. Who was I to tell God Almighty that Jesus wasn't enough? I didn't want to offend the Most High, so I decided not to have the talk with Bill. I would just have to trust God that I was a good match for him.
    But I still didn't want Bill to ever have to touch my body.
THE DREADED CONVERSATION
    Bill and I spent every possible moment together talking about almost everything—likes and dislikes, goals and dreams, hopes and fears. Well, I guess I'm really the only one who had fears, and they tormented me. Soon Bill could see