Musclebound Read Online Free PDF Page A

grinned. It was no more than she deserved.
    Ma said, ‘You said you’d give me till next week. I ain’t got all of it. You said.’
    ‘I said today.’
    ‘Next week. You
said.’
    ‘Now!’ he shouted. ‘I ain’t letting you off no more. You ain’t even a
cheap
screw. I been looking at the books – it’s four months you owe. Four fuckin’ months. You’re getting me in lumber.’
    So now you know how a woman with no readies pays the rent.
    It made me sick.
    I said, ‘Oi, you, balls for brains.’
    ‘What?’ He turned his baseball bat in my direction.
    ‘You heard her,’ I said. ‘She ain’t got your money. Come back tomorrow.’
    ‘I ain’t coming back tomorrow,’ he said, “cos I ain’t leaving today. Not without my money.’
    He flicked his bat at me. I stepped aside. He flicked his bat at Ma. She was too slow. The bat swiped her hands. The armful of frocks and undies went flying out over the balcony. They went tumbling like confetti into the wind.
    ‘Woo-hoo-hoo,’ went Ma, sucking on her knuckles.
    ‘Herf,’ went Milo and took a chomp at the rent man’s crotch.
    I dropped my box of crud and got down in a crouch.
    The rent man whacked Milo. I took a jump at him. He whacked me. I went down. Clean and simple.
    ‘Wow-wow-wo!’ cried Milo.
    ‘Woo-hoo-hoo!’ cried Ma.
    A dog and a bitch, both howling.
    I said nothing. My arm was dropping off and my teeth were clenched so tight they hurt.
    ‘Just the bleedin’ MONEY!’ said the rent man.
    I could of had him. I
could
of. If I hadn’t got all tangled up in Ma’s suspenders. No one whacks my pup and gets off light. No one. But there I was – on the deck with no feeling in my right arm and Ma and Milo woo-hooing in my lug-holes. And the poxy rent man – he was looming and smacking his bat in the palm of his hand. I dunno how it happened – really I don’t. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.
    I said, ‘Want your money, eh?’
    ‘What d’you think I want?’ he said. ‘A tango lesson?’
    ‘You got a frigging polite way of asking,’ I said. ‘How come I ain’t heard the word “please”?’
    ‘When did that ever earn me the price of a dry fart?’ he asked. Then he bent over bawling Ma, grabbed a fistful of her hair and shouted, ‘Gimme my fucking money, you cheap tart, PLEASE.’
    ‘All you had to do was ask nicely,’ I said, because there was bugger-all else I could say. I reached in my pocket. I had to do it with my left hand ‘cos the other one felt like it went AWOL. And I gave the bastard a wodge of twenties.
    ‘Keep the change, my man,’ I said. Well, what else was I going to do, on the deck with only one arm? ‘And next time,’ I said, ‘MIND YOUR TURDING MANNERS.’
    The look on his face was almost worth what it cost.
    ‘Wha’?’ he said.
    ‘Fuckin’ cock off,’ I said, ‘and don’t come back.’
    ‘Wha’?’ said Ma, mascara dripping off her chin. The look on her face was almost worth what it cost too.
    ‘Wo-wo-wo,’ went Milo. I couldn’t of said it better meself. ‘Cos, when you look at it – I lost. The rent man won and I lost. Just like that. Without putting up any kind of show at all. I took a jump at him. He walloped me. I crashed. Just like that. Biff – crash.
    It ain’t never happened before. Of course I lose sometimes. In the ring, I’m the villain and villains ain’t supposed to win all the time. Blue-eyes is supposed to beat the villain sometimes. Blue-eyes is supposed to beat the devil in black. And sometimes, in the ring I was given such piss-poor opposition I had to work a lot harder at losing than winning. But I never went down without I did damage. Dirty damage. Never jump-biff-crash, just like that. Never.
    ‘Get up,’ Ma said. ‘Get up and help.’
    When I opened my eyes, I saw the rent man had gone. Milo was standing, all lopsided and shivering, with his tail between his legs. Ma’s underwear was blowing about in the wind and she was trying to catch it. I couldn’t