Murder Gets a Life Read Online Free PDF Page A

the better off you are. Consequently, I threw on some old khaki shorts and a tee shirt that Haley had given me which has MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS on it (she thought it was funny), and went to collect Woofer for his morning walk.
    He was curled up in his igloo doghouse, cool and comfortable. I rattled his leash and said, “Walkeeze” like I had seen some famous British dog trainer do on TV. He looked at me as if I were crazy. Didn’t I know there was an inversion, whatever that was?That old dogs and people were dropping like flies in the August heat and pollution?
    “Out,” I said. “We’ll make it a short one this morning.”
    We circled several blocks sedately. Joggers passed us, sweat bouncing from them in little rainbows as their feet hit the pavement. The way I figured it, Woofer and I were going to have to call 911 for at least two or three of them before we got home. But I was wrong, fortunately.
    Actually, I had worked up a pretty good sweat myself as we headed toward home. Mitzi Phizer was getting her morning paper and saw us coming.
    “You’re crazy,” she announced.
    Woofer collapsed at my feet and agreed with her. I took the paper away from Mitzi and fanned Woofer and me both.
    “Keeps the old joints oiled,” I said.
    “Long as the old heart keeps clicking. Your face is red as a beet.”
    “I’m going to hop in a cool shower in about two seconds.” I handed the paper back to Mitzi.
    “What’s Ray’s wife like?” she asked, taking on the job of fanning Woofer and me.
    “Cute. Looks like a Barbie doll. And I swear, Mitzi, her grandmother looks like a Cabbage Patch doll. Round face and squinty eyes.” I grinned. “Sunshine kept calling Mary Alice ‘Mother Crane.’ All I could think of was Mother Goose. I’ve got a sneaking idea that’s going to come to a screeching halt, though. The Mother Crane bit. Every time she said it, Mary Alice’s eyes rolled up a little.”
    Mitzi laughed. “That little Barbie doll’s got a hard row to hoe with Mary Alice as her mother-in-law.”
    “We’ll see. Somehow I got the idea that SunshineBarbie may not be such a pushover. It may be tit for tat.”
    “Then poor Ray. Keep me posted.”
    “I will.” I managed to get Woofer into a standing position with a lot of sweet talk and shoving.
    “Look at that. That poor dog’s a hundred and five and out in this heat.”
    “He’s fine,” I said. But when I got home, I let him come in the kitchen to drink a big bowl of water. While I went to shower, he stretched out over the air-conditioning vent. I knew it was totally unsanitary; dog dander drifted through the air like snow. But the paint on the cabinets was dry, and I could always mop and dust.
    There were two messages on my answering machine, both of which were expected. Debbie wanted me to call her. What did I think of her new sister-in-law? Was Henry teasing her about the porn movie and the channeler? Call her as soon as I could. She had the cell phone in the bathroom with her. The other message, of course, was from Sister. Call her immediately.
    The call to Sister would be shorter, so as soon as I got out of the shower, I dialed her number.
    “Where have you been?” she asked without any preamble.
    “Out walking Woofer.”
    “You’re crazy. It’s a hundred and twenty out there today.”
    “Feels like it,” I agreed.
    “I’m going to have lunch at the Starlight Cafe. I thought you might want to go.”
    “Where’s the Starlight Cafe?”
    “It’s this nice new restaurant in Blount Springs. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.”
    I thought for a minute. It didn’t take long to figure out why the Starlight Cafe was her restaurant choice. “How far is Blount Springs from Locust Fork?”
    “Just a little ways, now that you mention it. We might even come back that way.”
    “Do I have a choice?”
    “No. I’ll pick you up a little after eleven.”
    “The Starlight Cafe?”
    “Dress casually.”
    My next call was to