Mr. Jack Is a Maniac! Read Online Free PDF

up. We went running over to the bear.
    â€œWe’ve got to intimidate the bear,” Andrea told me.
    â€œHow are we gonna do that ?”
    â€œEeee-yah!” she screamed. Then Andrea jumped up and karate-chopped the bear right in his stomach!

    Well, the bear must not have expected that . He turned around angrily and took a swipe at me with his razor-sharp claws. I dove out of the way. He missed me by inches!
    â€œWe’ve got to make ourselves look bigger!” shouted Andrea.
    She raised her hands in the air and spread her legs apart. Then she started stomping around and waving her jacket and whistling.
    The bear looked at Andrea for a moment. Then it took another swipe at me. I dodged out of the way.
    â€œHey!” I shouted. “What are you attacking me for? She’s the one who’s bothering you!”
    â€œThe bear must think you’re both crazy!” shouted Michael.
    â€œThey are crazy!” said Neil the nude kid. The bear started swiping his claws at me over and over again, like he was swatting flies.
    I dove to my left. I dove to my right. I jumped up in the air. I wasn’t going to let that bear get me.
    â€œDuck! Dive! Dip! Dodge!” everyone was shouting at me.
    â€œEeee-yah!” screamed Andrea. Then she gave the bear another karate chop on his leg.
    The bear must have been getting tired, because he suddenly sat down on the floor.
    â€œI think the bear is intimidated!” Alexia shouted. “Eeee-yah!”
    Then the whole school got up, raised their hands in the air, and spread their legs apart. Then they started stomping around and waving their jackets and whistling.
    â€œEeee-yah!” everybody shrieked their heads off.
    The bear whimpered once, and then he got up and lumbered out the door. I ran over and closed it behind him.
    For a moment, there was silence. Nobody moved or said a word. Then everybody started hooting and hollering and cheering their heads off.
    â€œHooray for Andrea and A.J.!” Ryan shouted. “They intimidated the bear!”
    â€œThat’s teamwork!” said Andrea.
    Suddenly, Andrea did something that was even more intimidating than scaring away the bear.
    She gave me a kiss!

    Ugh, disgusting!

12
The First Rule of Being a Kid
    Right after the bear ran out of the gym, the three-o’clock bell rang. Yippee! Time to go home! We all rushed back to our classrooms to get our backpacks.
    Usually I take the bus home, but I had a dentist appointment, so my mom came to pick me up.
    â€œWhat did you learn in school today, A.J.?” she asked when I got in the car.
    â€œNothing,” I said.
    Whenever your mom asks you what you learned at school today, always say “Nothing.” That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    â€œOh, come on, A.J.,” my mom said. “You must have learned something at school today.”
    â€œWe learned how to fight bears,” I told her.
    â€œVery funny. What did you learn in math class?”
    â€œWe didn’t have math class.”
    â€œWhat did you learn in science class?”

    â€œWe didn’t have science class.”
    â€œWhat did you learn in social studies class?”
    â€œWe didn’t have social studies class.”
    â€œWell, if you didn’t have math, science, or social studies class,” my mom asked, “what class did you have?”
    â€œBear-fighting class,” I told her.
    My mom rubbed her forehead with her fingers. After that, she stopped asking me what I learned in school.
    Well, that’s pretty much what happened. Maybe Mr. Jack will man up and stop combing his hair in slow motion. Maybe I’ll get to throw a watermelon off a ten-story building. Maybe somebody else will pick up Dr. Brad and throw him somewhere. Maybe Mr. Jack will break a block of ice in half with his head. Maybe Dr. Brad will stop trying to reason with bears. Maybe Andrea will take a class to learn how to clip her toenails better. Maybe