Mr. Burke Is Berserk! Read Online Free PDF Page B

day.”
    â€œViolence is not the answer,” said Miss Laney. *
    â€œYou can’t solve problems with violence,” said Mr. Granite.
    Why is everybody always talking about violins?
    â€œWhat in tarnation!” shouted Mr. Macky. “Ain’t you cowpokes gonna help me chase down that varmint?”
    Mr. Burke didn’t look worried. He was leaning against the fence and picking his teeth with a toothpick.
    â€œHold your horses, pardner,” he said. “Let the old coot go.”
    â€œLet him go?” asked Mr. Macky. “Why? What about the gilver?”
    â€œGilver?” said Mr. Burke. “Ain’t no such thing as gilver. Ah made that stuff up. Gilver is just shiny pieces of glass I scattered around the playground.”
    â€œWhat about the gold?” asked Mr. Macky.
    â€œPainted rocks,” said Mr. Burke. “They ain’t worth a plugged nickel.”
    â€œSo you planned all this, Mr. Burke?” asked Mr. Klutz. “Why?”
    â€œOh, Ah figgered the mayor don’t care a lick ’bout balancin’ no budget,” he said. “He just wants to get rid of stuff he don’t like: art, music, teachers, schools. So Ah planted that gold and gilver in the playground. Ah figgered it was only a matter of time before that greedy bunko artist would try to snatch it. The cops’ll pick him up soon enough.”
    Well, that’s pretty much what happened. The police tracked Mayor Hubble down and took him to jail. Maybe he’ll be there for the rest of his life. Maybe we’ll raise enough money to bring back the art and music programs. Maybe all the men will shave their beards and stop saying “Yee-ha.” Maybe everybody will stop talking about violins. Maybe they’ll turn the water fountains back on and put toilet paper in the bathrooms again. Maybe we’ll get the monkey bars back from Rent-A-Monkey Bars. Maybe the teachers will get to keep the hot tub that isn’t in the teachers’ lounge. Maybe Mr. Klutz and Mr. Burke will fight on the seesaws. Maybe I’ll become a principal and toast marshmallows. Maybe cannibal zombies will come out of the Underground Railroad and eat our brains. Maybe there will be a TV channel that shows nothing but stuff being blown up all day long. Maybe they’ll be able to fill the big hole in the playground.

    But it won’t be easy, pardner!

About the
     Authors
    Dan Gutman has written many weird
     books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and
     two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at
     www.dangutman.com.
    Jim Paillot lives in Arizona (another
     weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can
     visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.
    Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite
     HarperCollins authors and artists.

Copyright
    Mr. Burke Is Berserk!
    Text copyright © 2012 by Dan Gutman
    Illustrations copyright © 2012 by Jim Paillot
    All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
    www.harpercollinschildrens.com
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    Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
    Gutman, Dan.
    Mr. Burke is berserk! / Dan Gutman ; pictures by Jim Paillot.—1st ed.
    p. cm.—(My weirder school ; #4)
    ISBN 978-0-06-196923-2 (lib. bdg.)—ISBN 978-0-06-196922-5 (pbk. bdg.)
    EPub Edition © JANUARY 2012 ISBN 9780062101976
    [1. Buried