Mr. Burke Is Berserk! Read Online Free PDF

gonna need a team of surgeons to remove mah boot!” said Mayor Hubble. *
    â€œOoooooooooooooooo!”
    Mr. Klutz and Mayor Hubble were really mad. They started walking toward each other in slow motion. It looked like they were about to fight.
    But you’ll never believe who ran out and stood between them.
    It was Andrea Young! Little Miss Perfect! The Human Homework Machine!
    â€œStop!” Andrea shouted, holding up her hands. “There’s no need to resort to violence.”
    â€œWhy is everybody always talking about violins?” I asked. “Are they going to fight with musical instruments? They should fight with tubas. * That would be cool.”
    â€œNot ‘violins’!” everybody shouted at me. “‘Violence!’”
    â€œOh,” I said. “Why didn’t you say so?”
    Suddenly, Mr. Burke pushed his way to the front of the crowd.
    â€œThe little lady is right,” he said. “Ah say we settle this the old-fashioned way: with a duel.”
    â€œA duel!”
    â€œA duel!!”
    â€œA DUEL!!!”
    In case you were wondering, everybody was saying “A duel.”
    â€œGuns are violent, Mr. Burke,” said Andrea.
    â€œAh ain’t talkin’ ’bout a duel with guns,” said Mr. Burke. “Ah’m talkin’ ’bout a modern duel … with cell phones!”

11
The Duel
    Mr. Burke explained the rules of the duel to everybody. The mayor and Mr. Klutz would each write their cell phone number on a piece of paper and swap the papers. Then they would stand back-to-back. They would each walk ten paces forward. Then they would turn around, grab their cell phones, and dial each other’s number as fast as possible. Whichever cell phone rang first would be the loser. The other one would get to keep all the gold and gilver.
    â€œIt’s a deal,” said Mayor Hubble.
    â€œDeal,” said Mr. Klutz. “Ah’m betting mah smartphone is smarter than yer smartphone.”
    â€œAh’m warnin’ ya,” said the mayor, “Ah’m purty quick on the dial.”
    â€œNo namby-pamby gilver rustler can out-dial me,” said Mr. Klutz.
    Mr. Burke told Mr. Klutz and Mayor Hubble to stand back-to-back.
    â€œLook, their butts are touching!” I whispered.
    â€œQuiet, Arlo!” shouted Andrea.
    â€œReady … set… GO!” said Mr. Burke.
    Mr. Klutz and Mayor Hubble started pacing away from each other.
    1 … 2 … 3 … 4 … 5 … 6 … 7 … 8 … 9 … 10.
    Then they both spun around.

    â€œFill yer hand, ya yellow-bellied phone slinger!” shouted Mr. Klutz.
    Both of them grabbed the phones off their belt loops and started punching in numbers frantically. Then they pointed their phones at each other and waited for one of them to ring.

    â€œI know what you’re thinkin’,” Mr. Klutz said. “Did you punch in seven numbers or six? Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But you’ve gotta ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”
    And then Mr. Klutz’s cell phone started playing “The Hokey Pokey.”

    â€œNoooooooooooooooooooo!” he shouted.
    â€œHa-ha! Nice try, Klutz!” Mayor Hubble said, blowing on his phone. “Better luck next time. Now all the gold and gilver is mine . Adios, amigos! I must skedaddle.”
    The mayor got into his limo with his secret service agents and drove away.
    For a few seconds nobody said anything. We were all in shock. Then Mr. Macky stepped forward.
    â€œDagnabbit!” he shouted. “That scallywag done vamoosed with our gold and gilver! If ah git mah hands on him, Ah’m a-gonna stretch that no-good outlaw’s neck! Come on, fellers! We’ll head ’im off at the pass! Who’s with me?”
    â€œNo thanks,” said Mrs. Roopy. “I’ve had enough violence for the