More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops Read Online Free PDF Page B

how about–
    CUSTOMER
(interrupting)
: I don’t read anything written in the first person.
    BOOKSELLER: OK, how about–
    CUSTOMER: And I don’t read books by women. I just can’t stand things written by female authors.
     
    Tilly Lunken:
Thesaurus Books, Melbourne, Australia.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Do you have a true crime section?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes.
    (Bookseller takes customer to the true crime section. A few minutes later, the customer moves towards the front door with a book in his pocket.)
    BOOKSELLER: Erm, are you going to pay for that book?
    CUSTOMER: No.
    BOOKSELLER:
(taking book from customer’s pocket)
: Please don’t come back.
    CUSTOMER: Oh. Does this mean I have to bring all the other books back, too?
    BOOKSELLER: …
     
    Toby Halsey:
Elizabeth’s Bookshops, Perth, Australia.
     

     
    (While browsing our antiquarian section, a customer drops a 160 year old book. The marbled front end board cartwheels in the opposite direction to the text block as it hits the floor.
    With her hand to her chest, the customer gasps, looks at the book, then sighs with relief)
    CUSTOMER: Gosh, thank goodness that was just some old book!
     
    James Findlay:
Explorers Books, Johannesburg, South Africa.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Hi, I’m looking for a book version of my Sat Nav.
    BOOKSELLER: … Do you mean a road map?
    CUSTOMER: … Maybe.
     
    Stephanie Ose:
Waterstones, Newbury, UK.
     

     
    LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I could stay in here all day!
    MOTHER: I don’t know why you read; it’ll never get you anywhere.

     
    MAN
(looking at a giant map in the bookstore)
: When did they move New Zealand way down by Australia? Wasn’t it in Europe before?
    BOOKSELLER: …

     
    CUSTOMER: These are used books?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes
    CUSTOMER: Do you have the Stephen King book that comes out next week?
    BOOKSELLER: … No.

     
    (One bright Saturday afternoon)
    CUSTOMER
(walks up to counter)
: Are you open on Saturdays?
     
    Christopher Sheedy:
Re:Reading Bookstore, Toronto, Canada.
     

     
    BOOKSELLER: Would you like a bag?
    CUSTOMER: No, I’d like a divorce.
     
    Georgine Balassone:
Bookshop Santa Cruz, California, USA.
     

     
    CUSTOMER
(anxiously, to friend)
: I don’t know where it’d be; I have no idea what section it would be in. I just don’t know.
    BOOKSELLER: Hello, do you need any help?
    CUSTOMER
(annoyed)
: No, we’re fine, thank you.

     
    WOMAN: Do you have any books about sexual health?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes, in the health section just behind me.
    WOMAN: Because you can never be too careful nowadays, can you?
    BOOKSELLER: I guess not.
    WOMAN: It’s always good to be prepared, isn’t it?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes, of course.
    WOMAN: Protection is very important.
    BOOKSELLER: … Yep.
    WOMAN: Are you always prepared? What do you normally use for protection?
    BOOKSELLER: …

     
    BOOKSELLER: As you’ve spent over ten pounds, you could buy a copy of
The Host
by Stephenie Meyer for just one pound ninety nine?
    CUSTOMER: Oh no. I’d never read a book written by a Mormon.
     
    Nicholas Blake:
Waterstones, Nottingham, UK.
     

     
    CUSTOMER
(looking at a full wall of shelves dedicated to Shakespeare)
: Is that all the Shakespeare you have in stock?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes, but I can order anything specific if we don’t have it.
    CUSTOMER: Well, I think it’s disgraceful that you seem to have all of his plays and none of his novels.
     
    Tracey Sinclair:
University Bookshop, Glasgow, UK.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: In which section would I find a book on the workings of the internal combustion engine, suitable for a three-year-old?

     
    CUSTOMER
(holding a signed copy of a Jacqueline Wilson book)
: I want to buy this book, but not this copy because someone’s written in it.
    BOOKSELLER: … That’s the author’s signature.
    CUSTOMER: I don’t care who’s written in it – I just want a clean copy!
     
    Clare Poole:
PG & Wells Booksellers, Winchester, UK.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Where’s your true fiction section?
     
    Betsy Urbik:
Barnes and Noble,