More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops Read Online Free PDF

Don’t jump to conclusions!

     
    CUSTOMER: Do you have
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Abracadabra
?

     
    CUSTOMER: I’d like to buy these books using this voucher.
    BOOKSELLER: … Erm, this voucher is for a free burger.
    CUSTOMER: Yes. I thought it should be a ratio of two books to one burger. Does that seem fair?

     

     
    CUSTOMER: Guess what.
    BOOKSELLER: What?
    CUSTOMER: I’m building a spaceship in my back garden to scare my neighbours.

     
    LITTLE GIRL: I want to play hide and seek. Do you have a big book that I can hide in?
    BOOKSELLER: Not a book, but we could hide behind a bookcase?
    LITTLE GIRL: But … but, mum says she likes books because you can get lost in them.
    BOOKSELLER: Ah, I don’t think that’s quite what she meant.

     
    (Door bangs open and a flustered looking man runs in)
    FLUSTERED LOOKING MAN: I’m the idiot who tried to get in earlier when you were closed! Did you see me? I literally tried to open the door for two whole minutes! Did you notice?
    BOOKSELLER: Well … no … because we were closed … and I wasn’t here.

     

 
     

     
    Weird Things Customers Say in Other Bookshops
     
    (and libraries, too!)
     

     

 
     
     
    CUSTOMER: Excuse me, where do you keep all your books?
    BOOKSELLER: … They’re all around you.
    CUSTOMER: Oh. Right. I see.
    Iida Henriksson:
Suomalainen Kirjakauppa, Finland.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Do you work here?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes.
    CUSTOMER: Oh, good. I couldn’t tell if you were wearing a uniform or you just really liked Waterstones.

     
    CUSTOMER
(pointing at the books on the shelves)
: Are these real books?
    BOOKSELLER: … Yes.
    CUSTOMER: So, they’re not e-books? They’re real? I can look at them?
    BOOKSELLER: … Yes.

     
    CUSTOMER: Excuse me, I hid a book down the back of that bookshelf yesterday, but I can’t seem to find it today.
    BOOKSELLER: I’m afraid I sold that. I found it last night when I was tidying up.
    CUSTOMER: What did you do that for? I wanted to buy that!
    BOOKSELLER: If you want to reserve something, you should ask us to keep it behind the till instead of hiding it behind a bookshelf.
    (Customer storms off)

     
    CUSTOMER: Who wrote
Paradise Lost
?
    BOOKSELLER: John Milton.
    CUSTOMER: No, that’s not it.
    BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was him.
    CUSTOMER: And how would you know?
     
    Jennifer Burt:
Waterstones, Plymouth Drake Circus, UK.
     

     
    (Elderly female customer is looking at the chart)
    CUSTOMER: I can’t believe everybody’s reading this
Fifty Shades
…
    BOOKSELLER: I know. I take it it isn’t your cup of tea, then?
    CUSTOMER: Oh, no dear; been there, done that – no need to read about it!
     
    Joe Giaffreda:
Waterstones, Peterborough, UK.
     

     
    CUSTOMER
(in a broad Northern Irish accent)
: Do you have the book
Landscapes of War
?
    BOOKSELLER: No, we’re actually a religious bookshop.
    CUSTOMER: Oh, is that what you are?
    BOOKSELLER: Yes, you’d be better off trying one of the other bookshops in town.
    CUSTOMER: Oh, right.
    (Pause)
    CUSTOMER: Do you have that book all them women are reading?
    BOOKSELLER: Ahem …
     
    Richard Ryan:
The Good Book Shop, Belfast, UK.
     

     
    (A customer has brought in a box of coverless, very damaged books and wants the bookshop to buy them)
    BOOKSELLER: I’m sorry madam, but we don’t buy books like this.
    CUSTOMER: But your sign says that you buy books, and I want to get rid of these. What sort of books do you buy?
    BOOKSELLER: Well, perhaps the sort of books you left at home?
    CUSTOMER: I wouldn’t want to sell those! They’re nice books!
     
    Ian Snelling:
SA Book Connection, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Do you have a book that interprets life?
    BOOKSELLER: I’m not sure I know what you mean.
    CUSTOMER: Well, I was out hiking the other day, and I saw a wolf. I want to know what that meant.
     
    Jody Mosley:
Barnes and Noble, Boulder, Colorado, USA.
     

     
    CUSTOMER: Can you recommend something to read? I’m very widely read.
    BOOKSELLER: Sure,