answered immediately, âThe reason more men donât want to take their clothes off is because theyâre so uptight about their little dicks. In all the X-rated videos and magazines theyâre twice the size of a normal penis and itâs given every man in America a complex. Even though women all tell me that as long as a guy knows what heâs doing, size isnât that important.â
I said that women are trained to lie to men, though I wasnât sure he got the sarcasm. âWomen have the same problem about their breasts as men have about their penises,â he assured me. âIf someone could somehow get men and women on the same wavelength about this breastâpenis thing, I think it would do more to enhance everyoneâs life than anything else.â It was a rather utopian vision, coming from a scumbag pornographer.
Since then Iâve followed Flyntâs exploits from a distance, watching as heâs evolved into a sort of elder statesmanâpornographer, weighing in unpredictably on national matters and civil liberty issues. When his would-be assassin, Joseph Paul Franklin, was about to be executed in Missouri in 2013 for killing a man outside a synagogue in 1977âjust one of at least twenty race-related murders heâd been convicted of or implicated inâFlynt filed a last-minute motion through the ACLU to halt the execution. He was against the death penalty, he announced, and didnât believe the government should be in the business of killing people for vengeance. Franklin was executed anyway, amidst a national controversy about whether the drugs employed in the lethal injection cocktail would cause him to suffer. Flynt, who after years of brutal pain finally had the nerves leading to his legs cauterized to stop all sensation, said heâd love to spend an hour in a room with Franklin inflicting the same damage on him that heâd inflicted on Flynt, but didnât want to see him die.
A couple of years earlier Iâd been contacted about blurbing his latest book, One Nation Under Sex , a coauthored account of the sex lives of American presidents throughout the nationâs history. I labored to come up with a good quote and finally arrived at this: âLarry Flynt has waged a lifelong battle against hypocrisy and prudery, shattering every propriety and slaughtering every sacred cow. The political classes have never been safe from his special brand of satire. Now he turns his rabble-rousing sensibility back though time with a similar imperative. No more whitewashing! Smash decorum! Bring down the elites!â
I was happy to be in touch with him again, even through intermediaries. Heâd meant something to meâhe made me examine my limits, heâd challenged me at my corked-up core. I liked the idea that he still thinks about me, as I do about him. I imagined myself giving him a call the next time I was in LA, but I suspect it wonât happen.
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The Con Man
Every woman adores a con manâto steal a page from Sylvia Plath. Especially one who knows you better than you know yourself, who looks into your eyes and reads your dirty secret desires, who knows what a bad girl you really are under the prim professional façade, and then takes you for everything.
Such a man is âMikeâ: sleek, a reptile, but a sexy reptile, the kind you hate yourself for wanting to fuck. He exudes confidence, as a con man should. âI want to see how you operate,â Dr. Margaret Ford tells him the second time they meet, and she sure gets what she asked for. She wants to write about him, she says, to study him for a book or article, but itâs pretty clear what sheâs really come back for. âYou want to see how a true bad man plies his trade?â he banters knowingly. âPlies his tradeâ should be understood as a euphemism.
I donât expect many people will recognize the setup of David Mametâs 1987 House of Games :