Marie Antoinette Read Online Free PDF Page B

and husbands and filled only with her own music and love of God. If people, especially women, knew the secret of Elizabeth, she would be the most envied woman in the Empire, in Europe, in the world!
May 14, 1769
I picnic now. I go to chapel one hour each day instead of five. I practice my harp diligently and have asked Elizabeth to help, and I spend many minutes several times a day trying to concentrate on what Elizabeth said: not letting Mama fill my mind. This is difficult, for Mama is a strong presence even when she is not nearby. One has to really concentrate to get Mama out of one’s thoughts. I do not seek to be defiant of Mama, but I do seek to have my own thoughts and not let her will so completely invade my nature. It is after all my nature and not Mama’s. People have always said that I am much like dear Papa in spirit, but I must be something more, too. Something that is just me, and only me.
May 19, 1769
A masked ball tonight. Funny, I have not thought once about trying to persuade Elizabeth to attend. Titi wonders why, for this was to be our big project. It is hard for me to explain to her. She is so young. But now that I have seen how complete, how happy Elizabeth is, trying to force her to go to a masked ball seems rather silly.
May 20, 1769
The ball was beautiful. They moved the dancing platforms into the rose gardens, which were illuminated with huge torches, and they tinted the water pink in the fountains. I danced until I thought my feet would drop off. Master Noverre pranced up to me with his beaked eagle mask and whispered that the French delegation was enchanted with my gavotte. I have not truly mastered all the complicated figures of French dances. These are much more difficult than our simple Austrian dances. However, he complimented me on how cunning it was of me to add a tendu at the finish, which revealed my ankle. I didn’t even know I had revealed my ankle. It was certainly unintentional. I hope Mama didn’t see it. She would have been angry. It is just that Titi and I have had much ballet instruction since arriving at Schönbrunn and I guess it must somehow creep into my dancing. A tendu is an extension of the leg and of the foot. The foot must have the toes pointed, of course. I just seem to do it.
May 23, 1769
I went riding for the first time since The Incident. I did not ride astride and I did not gallop through mud. And it was not nearly as much fun.
May 27, 1769
Mama has gone back to Vienna for a few days. She always does this in the summer for she likes to visit Papa’s tomb. She cannot bear to be away from it for too long. So I went riding astride today but did not get mud-splattered. It was still fun.
May 28, 1769
Rode astride and got muddy. Even more fun.
May 29, 1769
Mama returned today. Rode sidesaddle through a meadow.
June 2, 1769
My brother Leopold arrived today with his wife, Maria Luisa of Spain. Their little boy Francis is enchanting. He looks like a little fat cherub, all rosy and golden. And he smiles all the time. This is amazing to Titi and me because Maria Luisa never smiles and is the most severe, somber person I have ever met.
June 4, 1769
Little Francis came running down the long corridor with his Nursey chasing him and spotted Titi and me at the ballet barre with Master Noverre. He charged right in and went up to the barre. He could barely reach it, but he started doing exactly what we were doing. Master Noverre was delighted. I think the child is a genius. He followed everything we did and pointed his toes and held up his arms for port de bras .
June 5, 1769
Little Francis is like a beam of sunshine darting around the palace. Mama, too, is enchanted with him. She gave him a puppy and a pony, and he loves to crawl up onto her lap and play with the emerald pendant she often wears. Do you know I cannot remember ever sitting in Mama’s lap? She must have been so busy with all sixteen of us, although three had died young. Maximillian, Ferdinand, and I are just one year