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Mundania
     
    Man from Mundania
     
    25
     
    "Uh, yes. Uh, you don't have any hang-ups about eat-
    ing, do you?"
     
    She blinked in cute surprise. "Why no. Should I?"
    Dyslexia seemed like the perfect girl. Then he discov-
    ered that she couldn't read. There was something wrong
    with her eyes or with her brain, so that she saw things
    backwards or upside down. She had managed to finesse
    her way through classes, for she was bright enough and
    had good legs, but it was a chore to get through a written
    homework assignment. He had to read the material to her
    and correct her odd errors of writing. This soon became
    tedious.
     
    YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
     
    There was the Worm again! "I like her, but—"
     
    The screen printed the list of names. Grey knew better
    than to choose Emetic or Euthanasia, and wasn't sure about
    Enigma, so he chose Euphoria.
     
    Euphoria was luscious. Her black hair swirled down
    around her cleavage like a living thing, and her eyes were
    hypnotically intense. She was extremely friendly, too. But
    very soon he discovered what she was into. "But I don't,
    uh, do the drug scene!" he protested.
     
    "Try it, you'll like it," she urged, proffering a cigarette
    of strange design. "This stuff will send you to the moon
    and stars, and you will float for eternity!"
     
    That was exactly what he was afraid of. He fled.
     
    YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
     
    He tried one more time, passing over Melanoma, Mi-
    asma, Treblinka, and Polyploidy in favor of one that
    sounded safe: Salmonella. That turned out to be a mis-
    take. Sal was a great cook, but the food turned out to be
    contaminated.
     
    Now, waking weak and bleary, he had finally caught
    on: "Worm, you're doing it deliberately! You are offering
    me only treacherous girls!"
     
    I AM NOT WORM. THAT WAS ONLY THE INSTALLATION
     
    "All right, already! So I'll call you Sending! Now why
    are you finding me only girls who are trouble?"
     
    HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!
     
    "Every one of them has something wrong with her! If
    you can't do better than that, I don't want any! All that's
    happened has been a lot of heartache and my grades de-
    scending to D +! Let's give up on girls and concentrate on
    scholastics."
     
    TRY ONE MORE GIRL.
     
    "No! I'm through with women! I want to make good
    grades and be something in the world!"
     
    TRY ONE MORE GIRL.
     
    So it was that way. He could not out argue the com-
    puter; it only repeated itself indefinitely. "All right: one
    more girl. And when that one messes up, it's grades."
     
    CHOOSE—
     
    "No you don't! All those names are pied! I don't care
    about the name! Just find me a good girl, one I can be
    with and—"
     
    AGREED.
     
    "No tricks, now, or the deal's off! Any little pretext and
    I'll dump her! You got that, Worm—1 mean, Sending?"
     
    GO TO THE APARTMENT ACROSS THE HALL.
     
    "All right! One more time!" Because, after all, he did
    need a girl. Without one, he would be reduced to having
    to do his homework, which was a fate only half a smid-
    geon this side of oblivion.
     
    Grumpily, still in his rumpled pajamas though he saw
    by the bleary clock on the hall wall that it was nearly
    noon, he knocked on the apartment door.
     
    The door cracked open and a blue eye peered out.
    "You're not a monster, are you?" she inquired.
     
    Grey had to smile. "Well, I do feel like one at the
    moment, but as far as I know, that's temporary. Who are
    you?"
     
    She opened the door wider, reassured. "Oh, good, a
    human person! I was afraid that in this horror house it
    would be much worse. I'm Ivy."
     
    "I'm Grey. Are you a normal girl?"
     
    Now she laughed. "Of course not! I'm a princess!"
     
     
     
     
    26 Man from Mundania Man from Mundania 27
     
    Well, she had a sense of humor! Despite his best inten-
    tion, he liked her. Maybe the Sending really was playing
    it straight this time.
     
    Ivy invited him in, and they talked. She seemed just as
    eager to know about him and his situation as he was to
    know about her.