Lost in Love Read Online Free PDF Page B

to look at him.
    I did not know how to introduce Logan to Jude. My brain blew a fuse from stimuli overload.
    Mental note: Boys from different parts of my life should never meet.
    Jude stuck his hand out to Logan.
    â€œHey, man,” he said. “I’m Jude.”
    They shook hands. I had never seen Logan shake anyone’s hand in any circumstance ever. Logan is not the hand-shaking type.
    â€œI’m Logan. Darcy’s boyfriend.”
    â€œEx-boyfriend,” I quickly clarified. “‘Ex’ as in ‘not anymore.’”
    Jude looked confused. “Ex-boyfriend . . . from Santa Monica?”
    â€œYeah. I’m living in New York for a while.”
    â€œI didn’t know he was coming,” I told Jude. “He surprised me.”
    â€œThat makes two of us.”
    Logan raised his eyebrows at Jude. “Is there something I should know?”
    See, that’s when I should have spoken up. I should havejust come out and told Logan that Jude and I were sort of together. Or hanging out or whatever. But I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to the boy I loved ferociously not too long ago, my first love, who came all the way here to win me back. Even after what he did to me.
    So I didn’t say anything. Neither did Jude. He mumbled something about needing to go. I tried to get him to stay, but he wasn’t hearing it. It was awful.
    I was awful.
    This is my chance to apologize for my awfulness. Hopefully he will forgive me and understand that I need to give Logan a second chance. I want to be with Logan, at least to see where it goes . . . but what I had with Jude felt so right. Trying to do the right thing is not going to be easy. Jude hasn’t tried to get in touch with me. He hasn’t responded to any of my messages. The only way to beg his forgiveness is in person.
    The crowd watching Jude in an enthusiastic semicircle breaks into applause. Jude thanks everyone for coming. He’ll go on break now before starting another show.
    I take a deep breath and approach him. He’s taking a picture with a little girl, hamming it up for her mom. Early evening sunlight is making his blue eyes glow like neon. He sees me when the last of the crowd leaves.
    I approach him. “How’s it going?”
    â€œDecent crowds so far.” Jude takes a sip from his waterbottle. I love that I know his water bottle always sits by his yellow collection bucket with the smiley face. I love that I know he changes into his hipster magician costume (violet-and-black striped cigarette pants, fitted violet T-shirt, turquoise high-tops) in café bathrooms. I love that I know things all the people who’ve stopped to watch him never will.
    â€œThat little girl was so excited to take a picture with you. You’re like a rock star with the ten-and-under crowd.”
    Normally Jude would laugh at that. He’d crack an aw-shucks grin, then try to hide it by looking down. But none of that is happening. He’s staring at me with the blankest expression I’ve ever seen on him.
    â€œYou know that’s how I roll,” he says absently.
    The real Jude isn’t showing. He isn’t being his usual warm and wonderful self with me. This is some other version of him I’ve never seen before. The cold and wary version I created. I want the real Jude back.
    â€œSo . . . I just . . . I wanted to come by and say I’m sorry. About Saturday night.”
    â€œI got your messages.”
    â€œBut you didn’t respond.”
    â€œNo. I didn’t.”
    â€œI’m really sorry Logan showed up like that. Seriously, I thought it was you at the door. That’s why we were onmy stoop. I ran down when he buzzed because I couldn’t wait to see you.”
    â€œToo bad it wasn’t me.”
    What if it had been Jude? Where would we be right now?
    â€œLogan totally surprised me,” I say. “He didn’t tell me he was coming to New