Life Is Not a Reality Show Read Online Free PDF Page B

with you, don’t be surprised if it’s all over before it began. He’s done, he moves on, and you’ve never had a chance to get under his skin.
    I certainly made my husband wait a long, long time—months, which is an especially long time when you’re seeing each other every day and every night. I’m sure some people wait a whole year, or even until they get married, to do the deed. I’m not saying you necessarily have to hold out that long, but at least let him get to know who you really are, so when he’s not with you he’ll think about you. He’ll be thinking, yeah, I like her. I’m intrigued about her. I miss her. I want to know more.
    I have a friend who never really bought the notion of waiting. She figured, hey, we’re in a new era; it’s not like the old days. Equality between the sexes! Women are allowed to express themselves sexually, just like men.
    Well, sure we’re allowed to express ourselves sexually! But that doesn’t mean that doing so won’t have consequences. Unfortunately, that hasn’t changed. I’m not telling you that you’re a bad person if you have sex right away. I know that some long-term relationships have started that way. I’m just saying that if you really want to achieve a certain outcome, you want to be smart, which may mean delaying the big moment.
    Now that friend of mine wishes she could go back and have some do-overs. She had a string of lovers and relationships that didn’t go much farther than that. For a long time the situation suited her, but eventually she got to a point where she realized she wanted more. She looked back on her affairs and thought, Oh my God! A couple of those guys were great. They’re just the kind of men I could fall in love with. But I blew it when I had the chance! She went through a real period of anguish, wishing she had done things differently. I felt so bad for her. Now she’s decided to pull back and approach sex with a different attitude, and she tells me she just hopes it’s not too late.
    Many of the so-called rules that I learned growing up about how to look and act if you want to find a good man are based on the same principle: how you behave toward a man will affect the way he behaves toward you. The make-him-wait rule is a biggie, but there’s an even more fundamental rule that I recommend you follow. It’s so fundamental that it applies not just to men but to your whole life. Ready?
    You must come across as confident. You must, must, must. Please!
    Notice I didn’t say “You must be confident!” I’m very well aware that you can’t be confident all the time (at least I can’t!). Maybe there are people in the world who don’t experience self-doubt, and if so I envy them, because I sure have my moments from time to time. People don’t believe me when I tell them I have a very shy side. They say, “Oh yeah, hilarious!” But it’s true. Being confident and outspoken didn’t always come easily to me.
    But I learned early on that when you feel insecure and totally lack confidence, you just have to fake it till you make it! If you act confident for long enough, even if you’re just pretending, eventually you will actually become confident. I swear!
    You want to come across as self-assured—certainly with men and ideally with everyone—because people will respond to you so much better if you do. People want to be around someone who feels good about herself, and they automatically avoid those who are desperate for validation. Only bullies and other controlling types are drawn to individuals who advertise their poor self-esteem.
    When you’re trying to appeal to a man, you do not want to look desperate for his attention and approval. That’s a huge turn-off.
    One day when I was filming, a stranger ran over to me. She said, “Can you give me some advice?” I was thinking, Hmm, I bet she doesn’t realize we’re miked at all times! But of course, I was happy to help if I could. “I’m thirty-nine years old,” she