started razzing it up. It would be worth organising a conference with them in chambers just to see the reaction of a few of the more staid of the tenants.
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Thursday 25 October 2007
Year 2 (week 4): Snakes and ladders
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The new pupils were all standing neatly in a row at chambers tea today. OldSmoothie was the first to comment.
âLook at you. All unformed. Still finding your place in the world. One minute youâll be buzzing around feeling like a drone and the next youâll be absolutely full of your own cleverness as you get to help on some big case or other.â
âOh but donât they look so cute,â whispered TheVamp eyeing up the two male pupils. âAll fresh-faced, clean-cut and so deliciously corruptible.â
Then, I think without realising, she actually licked her lips.
âMust be about time for the annual snakes and ladders speech,â said TheBusker, referring to the talk the pupils always get about their status now being at the very bottom of the pile just like that of new judges.
âThatâs all it is really, isnât it?â said UpTights, looking a little madder than usual. âThis whole thing. Life. Just one big cruel game of snakes and ladders.â
âThereâs certainly no shortage of snakes,â said BusyBody looking at OldSmoothie.
âYes, and the only ladders youâve ever got close to are in your tights,â he replied.
âWell, little pupil boy,â purred TheVamp into the ear of the nearest of the two sheâd been admiring. âHow would you like a game of snakes and ladders?â
With which he blushed, quickly made his excuses and left.
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Friday 26 October 2007
Year 2 (week 4): Humiliation
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On my arrival this morning all I got from HeadClerk was a very curt nod, which was completely out of character for a person who is usually so positive and upbeat. âWhatâs up with HeadClerk?â I asked TheBusker as I passed him in the corridor later.
âItâs not good at all,â he replied. âAs bad as it gets actually.â
âWhat can be that bad?â I asked innocently.
âOne of OldSmoothieâs solicitors rang up and demanded that HeadClerk double his fee. Said that at its current level it was making their own fees look embarrassingly high to the client.â
âThat sounds great,â I replied. âHow can he be annoyed about an increase in our fees?â
âThatâs just it. HeadClerk prides himself on billing top dollar for all his barristers. To then have a solicitor ring up and say that what heâs billed simply isnât enough . . . well, it hurts . . .â
Oh.
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Monday 29 October 2007
Year 2 (week 5): TheMoldies
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âTheyâre all as mad as cheese, BabyB.â SlipperySlope had called me to talk about BigMouthâs ASBO-attracting blue rinses. âTheyâre far more eccentric than your usual Saga louts with their recycling bins stuffed full of bottles of fine Rioja. No, these ones are quite simply mad, mad, mad and very old. But even if thereâs a small chance that thereâs something in this, we could be on to a windfall settlement just to keep the whole thing out of the press.â
âAnd how do you think I can help?â I asked him, somewhat confused as to what role I might play in all this.
âYouâre going to be doing the running, BabyB. All the important work.â
Chief dogsbody more like. But Iâm not exactly in a position to argue.
âIâll provide the back-up and funding. BigMouth has asked for a two-hundred-pound backhander for every case he refers involving a mad oldie or Moldy as I like to call them. My shout on that. All tax deductible through my er, marketing budget although somehow I doubt itâll ever appear in his declaration of membersâ interests.You, meanwhile, my sharp-witted friend, will get to work growing our little