Land of Unreason Read Online Free PDF Page A

the Queen again as water splashed all over him. The rest of
the aqueous monster subsided into a plain fountain, with a Neptunian bellow:
"Ho-ho-ho! Did you see it jump? Haw-haw-haw!"
     
                "Haw-haw-haw!"
came an echoing burst of laughter from the other fountains, as the one that had
splashed Barber burst into deep-voiced song:
     
    -
     
    "Fifteen
men on a dead man's chest,
    Yo,
ho, ho and a bottle of rum!
    Drink
and the devil had done for the rest—*'
     
    -
     
                All the
fountains were coming in on the second "Yo, ho, ho—" as Barber
scrambled up and offered Titania his hand. She disdained it and leaped to her
feet, her good nature gone.
     
                "You clay-headed oaf,
you clumsy tallow-ketch!" she blazed in a quietly deadly voice.
"Were't not that you are a mere object, a toy for a better man, I'd have
you to the strappado! I'll—"
     
                Barber bowed. "A
thousand pardons, Your Resplendency! I was only trying—"
     
                She advanced furiously,
cocking a fist. "Trying! I'll try you, and in a star-chamber
fashion!"
     
                Barber backed, then looked
around to make sure he had sea-room, for the living fountains were shouting and
singing all around behind him. As he did so his eye caught a figure—a small,
thin-haired man in doublet and hose, with a sandy mustache, and a six-inch
diamond hanging from a chain around his neck. Titania's eye caught him at the
same time as Barber's; she lowered her arm as the man came hurrying up.
     
                "How now?" he
said. "Why, it's my sweet cowslip, my pretty helpmate, and with her
feathers ruffled like a mourning dove! What—"
     
                "Spare your sarcasms,
my lord," snapped the Queen. "Here's your changeling, and good
riddance. Now do I get my little Gosh?"
     
                King Oberon looked at
Barber. "This great woolsack jobbernowl a changeling?"
     
                "Aye, and I give you
joy of him. Just now the lightsome ox strewed my royal dignity upon the
path."
     
                "Ha, ha! Would I had
seen it. If you dislike him so, the colt must have better points than show in
his teeth."
     
                "Why, you starveling
stick—" Titania suddenly seemed to recollect that she had come not to
quarrel, but to get something she wanted by exchange. Her face underwent a
lightning transformation. "In very faith, it's not so useless a wretch;
can argue, stretch a point like a philosopher. Will you not take it, give me my
Gosh, and set our affairs once more to their wonted smoothness? My lord knows
full well there has been another shaping."
     
                The King rubbed his chin.
"Full well, indeed. I cast a spell for a hunting lodge and get these
cursed, crank living fountains. I'm still not won to your thought that the
variance between us lies at the root of these shapings. But 'tis most evident
they are thereby increased in effect, like a pox with exercise, since we can
receive in our affairs only what we put forth. So, since you wish it, madam,
let there be peace between us."
     
                The fairies, who had been
crowding around, went into shouts of delight over this announcement, and began
the same series of antics Barber had seen them perform before. Titania's smile,
though gracious, was a trifle glassy.
     
                "And my little
Gosh?" she asked.
     
                Oberon swallowed, then
lifted his voice and shouted: "Gosh!" There was no answer. He tried
again. Still no response. "Herald!" he called.
     
                A sprite, the twin of the
one who had called the Queen's coach, save that his tabard bore a design of
suns, somersaulted into position, opened his mouth and shouted: "Chandra
Holkar Raghunath Tippu Vijayanagar Rao Jaswant Rashtrakuta Lallabhbhai Gosh!
Come forth, you misbegotten imp, you villainous