to pretend that I didn't hear.
" Steph..." mom said, stroking my forearm with two fingers.
Another set of knocks.
"Hello?" a man called.
I forced my arms away from her. As I walked to the door, I flicked my hair back over my shoulders and ran my fingers through it, trying to concentrate on that sensation as the long, soft strands rubbed against me.
When I pulled the door open, the shorter of the two men had his fist raised for another knock. His eyes were right on level with mine. He smiled at me as the light shined off his bald head. The taller guy behind him had a clipboard tucked under one arm.
Clipboard, I thought, my mind returning to school, definitely a clipboard.
I wrestled my face into a smile as I tried to not think about school.
"This is the Hursts, right?" the short guy said.
Both men wore the same white pants and button-up shirts with short sleeves. They had the same shiny black shoes.
"Yeah, we're the Hursts," I said, "Mom's in the kitchen."
I stepped aside to let them in. Both of them smiled at me again as they walked into the front hall. They seemed friendly enough, but I hated them. I wanted them out, back in their creepy white van and out of reach of my mom. I was the only person who should be taking care of her, not these strangers.
But they ignored me, following my mom's voice as she called out from the kitchen.
I went over to the doorway and peered around it. With two grown men in there, it was really apparent just how small the room was. It had always been a pain to get any real cooking do ne in there, with the tiny bit of counter available between the chipped sink and the stove that was older than me.
Mom also seemed too small. It had been a while since we'd had visitors, and even longer since she'd been outside. Seeing her next to others, she looked like death on two legs. The bit of color that had returned to her cheeks since I decided to accept the offer didn't help at all.
"You've got everything all ready to go, I see," the tall guy said, smiling as he squinted down at the clipboard and checked something.
"Yes, sir!" mom said, throwing one hand up in a mock salute. The orderlies laughed and smiled.
It was hard for people not to like my mom. She was always so nice, always ready with some little joke to get people laughing. It was the key to a good first impression, she always told me. A laugh and smile were the best icebreakers of all.
"So, uh, I didn't see an elevator on the way in...?" the short guy said, pulling a cloth out from one pocket and running it quickly over his bald scalp.
"Oh, there is no elevator!" I broke in. I realized how happy I sounded as they all looked at me.
Mom just winked, but the men couldn't seem to figure out whether I was always like this, or if I was just so excited to see my mother leave.
"Well, milady," the tall guy said, tucking his clipboard back under his arm, "Shall we take you on your way?"
"Wait!" I said.
I rushed in and hugged her again.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you, too," mom said, hugging me back, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
"Trust me, little lady, we'll take great care of her. Nurses and doctors on call twenty-four-seven. Three hots and a cot... well, it's more of a gurney," the short guy said.
"Stan!" the tall orderly said.
I covered my mouth with my hands as I watched them wheel her out. I watched down the hall as they got to the stairs. They had to lift her up, short Stan leading the way.
Mom waved and blew me a kiss as she disappeared through the door.
When the door to the stairs shut, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out right through my sternum. I wanted to collapse then and there, but I pushed myself back upright and ran to my room.
From there, I looked down at their van. It took them an agonizingly long time to get outside. I had horrible thoughts of them dropping her down the stairs, of an ambulance showing up with its lights flashing and siren blaring.
But they wheeled her out front. I leaned my