Karlology Read Online Free PDF Page B

would be if they didn’t have that caravan, but this is what happens when there is space. Suzanne’s mam and dad’s house is the same. They’ve filled all the shelving units with that many knickknacks that they’ve collected over the years, that stuff has now started to creep into the bathroom. You rinse your eyes under the shower whilst reaching out for the shower gel and end up rubbing your head with a pot cat. It gets really tough when I’m drying meself cos every time you waft the towel, something falls off a shelf. Last time I was there I told ’em it’s like playing bleedin’ Jenga in that bathroom.
    I t h in k it’s in our nature to fill s p ace. W h en y ou t h in k a b out it, t h e h uman b o dy is cramme d f u ll o f stu ff – ever y b it o f it is full, not one bit of an arm or leg is hollow. Doctors say we don’t need the appendix or tonsils, and men don’t n ee d ni ppl es, b ut nature saw a s p ace an d fill e d it. We d is l i k e t h e i d ea o f em p t y s p ace so muc h t h at scientists h ave now n amed nothin g “nothin g ness”, as the y found that if y ou o bserve nothing, then it’s no longer nothing because you w ere t h ere to o b serve it, so not h ing is actua ll y somet h ing. M e mam an d d a d ’s h ouse h asn’t g ot an y room to store an y “ not h in g ness” d ue to t h e amount o f “somet h in g ness” .
    So, art, do we need it? We like to pretend that art is r eally important to us cos it makes us feel individual, but wh en s p ace g ets ti gh t, art is usua lly t h e fi rst t h in g t h at g ets p ut awa y . Not t h e TV or stereos, b ut art. T h e TV p r o gramme Antiques Roadshow proves this as it’s full of people sa y in g h ow t h e y were c l eanin g out t h eir g ran’s h ouse w hen the y found a p aintin g b y Monet stuffed under an ice - cream maker in the loft. I also think this is why art has gone smaller and smaller over the years – it’s cos we no longe r h ave room f or it. Bac k in t h e 1700s y ou wou ld h ave massive mura l s t h irt y f eet across cos p eo pl e l ive d in b i g h ouses ( and didn’t have TVs and stereos takin g u p room). Now w e live in smaller places we need small art, and this is why f ri d ge magnets were b roug h t out. It’s pro b a bl y a l so w h y crime fig ures h ave g one u p . Stu ff is now easier to nic k d ue to it b ein g so sma ll , w h ereas y ears a g o, no one wou ld ’ve e ven attempted to try and nick the sculpture of David by M ichelangelo. I’ve heard that some art is now so small that t h ere is an artist w h o use d a h air f rom a fly to p aint a tin y p iece t h at h e ma d e. T h is is ca ll e d “micro art”. T h is sort o f art solves the s p ace issue and also the crime p roblem, as the r obbers can’t normally find it .
    I t h oug h t I’ d go an d l oo k at some art to see i f I cou ld l earn an y t h in g f rom it. I d eci d e d to g o to t h e Tate Mo d ern on L ondon’s South Bank. This is an area that’s full of dif f erent types of art from theatre and music to paintings and scu lp tures. O u tsi d e t h e g a ll eries were p u pp et s h ows, b us k e rs, a man p ainte d f rom h ea d to toe in w h ite p aint (w h o I presume norma ll y acts as a statue, t h oug h h e was on h is l unc h b rea k w h en I saw h im) com pl ete wit h b ir d d ro p p in g s, and the Bud g ie Man, who has about twelve bud g ies that climb ladders and dance to his own songs that he sings about budgies. There was also a homeless fella who earned cas h by ri pp in g e y es out o f ph otos in news p a p ers an d stic k in g t h em on h is c h ee k s w h i l st coverin g h is own e y es wit h a roll of toilet p a p er. He also had a few bird dro pp in g s on him but these weren’t part of his act, they were just a co n sequence o f sitting un d er b ri d ges w h ere pigeons l ive. As i f t h at wasn’t enou gh , h e was sin g in g C h ristina A g ui l era’s son g “I am Beauti f u l ”. Ever y one was