Jackie's Jokes Read Online Free PDF Page A

she did turn up the machine's volume so we could all hear whoever was calling and picked up the pencil and pad that were beside the phone so she could take down the message.
    "Robert?" a man's voice said, sounding both confident and harried at the same time, sort of like if Principal Freud and the McG were rolled into a single person. "Alan Watts here. You do remember me, don't you? Your CPA?"
    "What's a CPA?" Petal asked, but Annie shushed her.
    "At any rate," this Alan Watts person continued, talking to our father, who wasn't there, "surely you've received the many e-mails I've sent you. Unless they've all disappeared into the ether, as e-mails sometimes do? Although I can't believe that happened to every single one. Still, I've given up on that, which is why I've been trying to reach you by phone all day. You do realize it's Tax Day in just thirteen days, right?"
    There were those words again!
    Tax Day!
    We all mouthed the words. Tax Day. What could it be? We'd never heard of it before. Perhaps the McG had been on to something important after all, we thought.
    "You haven't hired a new CPA, have you?" Alan Watts said, sounding less sure of himself. "No, of course you haven't," he insisted. "At any rate"—we were beginning to realize that Alan Watts said at any rate an awful lot and that it was annoying coming from him—"give me a ring as soon as you get this message." He said his number, and Annie wrote it down. "We'll set up an appointment for you to come into the city. I hope you have all your papers in order. You and Lucy make so much money, and if you don't file your taxes on time—heh, heh, heh—you'll lose it all in late fees. So, at any rate—"
    But Annie turned down the volume then so that we wouldn't have to listen to Alan Watts natter on anymore.
    "I don't want any part of this ... Tax Day! "Annie cried, throwing down the pencil like it had burned her.
    "But I don't think we should ignore it," Zinnia said.
    "No," Petal said, her lip starting to quiver. "That man said we could lose all our money. Then not only will we be orphans, we'll be really poor orphans!"
    "I think we should call Pete," Jackie said decisively, and she headed off toward Mommy's private study.
    "Pete?" Marcia asked. "But why? I mean, he is very nice to us all the time, but I don't think we should be hitting him up for a loan."
    "He's our friend," Jackie said, "and he's an adult. He should be able to explain all this stuff about taxes to us.
    She picked up the phone and hit the speakerphone button so we could all hear whatever got said.
    "What's the number for Pete's Repairs and Auto Wrecking?" Jackie asked Annie.
    "Do you really think it's that easy," Annie said with an almost sneer, "to call Pete?"
    "Yes, I do," Jackie said. Then she added in a commanding voice, "Number?"
    "Jackie has gotten ... forceful "Zinnia whispered with real admiration.
    "I think it must be the hair," Georgia whispered back.
    "The number's programmed into speed-dial," Annie said grudgingly. "To call Pete, you just press one."
    So that's what Jackie did.
    The phone rang two times, then we heard the familiar voice say, "Pete's Repairs and Auto Wrecking."

    "Mr. Pete?" Jackie said. "This is Jackie Huit speaking."
    "Well, this is a first," Pete said, his voice brightening. "Usually, it's Annie calling. By the way, did I tell you how nice your hair looks?"
    "Yes. Yes, you did," Jackie said. "But that's not what I'm calling about. I was wondering, could you tell me, please: what are taxes?"
    "Taxis?" Pete sounded surprised, then continued before Jackie could correct him. "Why, taxis are vehicles that people sometimes pay to take them places."
    Rebecca rolled her eyes. Truthfully, we all did. It was so rare for Pete to let us down.
    "No," Jackie corrected, "not taxis. I said taxes, as in, um, Tax Day. Do you know what taxes and Tax Day are?"
    "Oh!" Pete said with a loud groan. We swear, we could almost hear him hitting himself in the head over his own previous stupidity.