“It’s Not About the Sex” My Ass Read Online Free PDF Page A

OKs polygamy
    Besides the newly deluded like us, Harmston began attracting
a ragtag community of disaffected members from other cults. Having decided
their respective prior cult leaders du jour were impostors, they moved to Manti
in hopes of finding in Harmston the real deal.
    They brought with them an intact belief in polygamy. When we
arrived, however, Harmston had been all talk but no do in the plural wives
department. Married only to Elaine, his wife of 30 years, Harmston’s stable was
conspicuously empty. If Harmston didn’t get with the program and soon, the
other-cult refugees were bound to move on to a bona fide, practicing polygamist
prophet.
    Harmston most likely had other reasons for wanting to get on
with polygamy. Though I suspect he truly believed to a point that he was under
orders from God, there’s no denying that Harmston was the proud owner of a
fully functioning libido. At least, that was the impression I received from the
way he would put an arm around my shoulder and make small talk while
dry-humping my leg. Oh yes he did. And not just with me.
    God came through by telling Harmston it was time to promote
Elaine from Only Wife to First Wife. Elaine handled the news fairly well,
possibly because their sex life had been over for some time anyway, and
possibly because the new arrangement gave her power. First Wife was a desirable
position in a polygamist family. First Wife of the prophet was even better. It
brought status and power, which Elaine lost no opportunity to wield.
    About the same time, God told Harmston to knock off the
informal meetings and start a church, a real church. He even told Harmston what
to name it: The True and Living Church of
Jesus Christ of Saints of the Last Days. Mercifully, God added that it was
OK to call it “the TLC,” short for “True and Living Church.”
    Like Mormonism, the TLC was to have the same organization
that Jesus allegedly put together back in the day. At the helm was the “First
Presidency,” a trio reminiscent of Peter, James, and John. Harmston took the
role of Peter in, you could say, more ways than one. God bestowed the James and
John roles upon Harmston’s sons-in-law.
    Second in authority to the First Presidency were the Twelve
Apostles. Through Harmston, God appointed Jeff to be the head apostle. Harmston
explained that the head apostle’s principal duty was to act in a missionary and
public relations role. Handsome, likable, and good on his feet, Jeff was the
ideal choice. I was proud. In a most humble way, of course.

Chapter 5: Judith Makes Two
    Thus saith the Lord … inasmuch as you have inquired of
my hand to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my servants
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as also Moses, David and Solomon, my servants, as
touching the principle and doctrine of their having many wives and concubines …
prepare thy heart to receive and obey the instructions which I am about to give
unto you; for all those who have this law revealed unto them must obey the same
… for no one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter into my glory.
    —Doctrine and Covenants 132: 1-4
     
    By the time Jeff and I bundled up the kids and moved to
Manti in 1993, I was both resigned to and enthused about polygamy. Resigned
because, delusions aside, the decision to share your husband doesn’t come
easily. Enthused because, having discussed the matter at length, Jeff and I
experienced inner promptings assuring us that polygamy was not just God’s will,
but God’s law. We believed that to attain the highest reward in the next life,
we had to be polygamists in this one.
    To us the doctrine of polygamy was so sacred, so serious,
that we didn’t allow ourselves to joke about it. It would have been a
blasphemy. Not that wisecracks and dirty jokes didn’t readily come to mind. We
just pretended they didn’t.
    Not all of the women in our group were as ready as I was to
invite additional wives to share their husbands. “I’m fine