Interview With a Jewish Vampire Read Online Free PDF Page A

reincarnation, spirit guides, angels, shape shifters, werewolves, and just about any other supernatural phenomenon that Hollywood or young adult fiction came up with. She would cast a spell for everything from weight loss to finding a new boyfriend. For Charlene, belief in vampires was not a stretch.
    Every month she got together with her coven in the Bronx and did something called “raising energy,” which was a mystery to me. She insisted she was a white witch and the spells were benign, but I’d wondered recently about the series of suspicious, if minor, accidents that had kept her despised boss out of work. Charlene had reported them to me with a strangely triumphant air. You wouldn’t want to get her bad side—she was six feet tall, worked out and was ferociously loyal to her friends. Even though her height, rippling biceps and long black hair made her look formidable, her soft little girl voice was disarming, she looked like Wonder Woman but sounded like Tickle Me Elmo. She dressed in tight, sexy outfits that complimented her curves, attracting male attention wherever we went, but I wasn’t jealous of her looks. Instead I basked in her reflected glamour. We were both divorced, the same age and inseparable. An affair with a vampire would be like “What else is nu?” to her.
    Charlene sat down awkwardly on my tiny yellow sofa, which complemented my tiny antique rocker. I had to give up all my big country pine pieces when I left Scarsdale and downsize to dollhouse furniture that fit into my miniscule studio apartment. I was short so didn’t mind their size, even though I never sat on the rocker for fear that I’d break it. Charlene’s knees came almost up to her chin when she sat on my sofa.
    “ Does he have any single friends?” was her first question after I told her the whole story. “I want a paranormal lover, too.”
    It sounded like she wanted the latest fashion accessory.
    “ That will be the first question I’ll ask the next time I see him.”
    “ Really, Rhoda. My sex life is dead. Why can’t it be undead? Wiccans are all women, there are no sexy male witches.”
    “ Aren’t they called warlocks?” I asked.
    “ Not if you’re politically correct,” she told me.
    “ Well, I know nothing about his social circle. For all I know he’s the only vampire, certainly the only Jewish one.”
    “ I’m not fussy,” she said, “a vampire of any faith will do.”
    “ Give it a break, Vick.”
    “ Why don’t you call him?”
    “ I don’t have his number, or any idea where he lives except it’s in Crown Heights somewhere. But I’m sure he’ll call.”
    “ Do you know his email address?” she asked.
    “ Damn, why didn’t I think to ask for it? I could always email him through JDate He has a profile there.”
    “ Ooh,” Charlene cooed, “show me his picture.”
    I logged into JDate and searched for “Jewish Vampire,” which, believe it or not, was his JDate username. No luck. His profile was gone.
    “ Isn’t that a good thing?” Charlene said. “He took down his profile because he’d met you and doesn’t want to keep looking. Don’t you hate those guys who keep their profiles up after dating you and even having sex?”
    “ Yes, especially when they deny that they’re still looking but you log on and find out that they’ve been online that day. But then how many women want to have sex with a vampire?”
    “ C’mon, Rhoda. Just about every thirteen-year-old girl in the known universe.”
    “ Luckily he likes older women. Zaftig older women.”
    “ So he’s a vampire chubby chaser,” Charlene laughed.
    “ Nah, he’s just a shy vampire. He says he hasn’t been with a woman in a hundred years if you can believe that. I interviewed him but I wish I’d asked more questions. There’s so much more I want to know about him. Like his last name and phone number.”
    “ And you call yourself a journalist,” Charlene teased me. “The biggest story of your life and you sleep