Intentions Read Online Free PDF Page B

the temple? Through the kitchen? Or should I go around to the front? Where are they? Oh, there they are, in front of me, walking down the ramp from the parking lot, in through the kitchen. I remember one time cooking pancakes in that kitchen with Dad. That was nice. We had to make, like, four hundred pancakes for a Brotherhood breakfast. Pancakes. Oooh. Pancakes would taste pretty good right now. Or waffles. I like waffles better. All those nooks and crannies for the maple syrup to get stuck in.
    I wish it had worked. I wish I were stoned. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so horrible. All I feel is let down. I wish I were stoned.
    I’d better go in. Oh, I am in. How did I get here? I’m here in the auditorium. It’s like I’m not in me, I’m outside me looking at me. I felt this way the other night, in class after—God. Oh God. Oh no, don’t go there, Rachel. Look. Look around you. Look at all the people in here.
    Wow. Look at all these people. How will I ever get through them to the devil’s food cake?
    How long have I been standing here looking at the crowd? I think I’ve been standing here for a long time. I should go get some of the devil’s food cake. It’s going to taste soooo good.
    Oh man, there it is. I am going to stuff two pieces in my mouth. Oh God. I stuff in a third. It tastes soooo good.

CHAPTER 7
    DEVIL’S FOOD CAKE
’N’ COFFEE MAN, MAN
    Do I have frosting all over my face? Did I really have five pieces? Am I going to regret this tomorrow? I am so going to regret this tomorrow.
    But it doesn’t matter … Alexis and Adam and I are having so much fun. I love Alexis! She’s whispering to Adam. He’s whispering back.
    Wait. Are they whispering about me? Nah. They’re probably whispering about everyone else in the room, right? All the kids who didn’t go out back with us, the old people who are acting like it’s a regular Oneg. I mean, why would they be whispering about me? But why are they looking at me?
    “Hey, guys,” I say.
    They look up, deer in headlights.
    “Shit, are you whispering about me?”
    Alexis shakes her head in slow motion. Adam shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders, bursts out laughing. Cookie crumbs spray out of his mouth, which makes Alexis laugh hysterically, and now Mrs. Rabbi is walking over to us.
    Oh, I should tell her! I should tell her right now. Mrs. Rabbi—I mean, Mrs. Cohn, I heard your husband in the sanctuary. He was screwing this bride chick.
    “Adam, kids, what are you doing ?” she says through gritted teeth. I’ve never actually seen someone talk like that. It’s kind of a miracle. Her teeth are clenched, but words are coming out.
    I’m going to try it. I clench. I will tell her about her husband through gritted teeth.
    Making noises but no real words. It’s too hard. How do you actually form words?
    She is looking at me with a very weird expression.
    Did she understand what I was saying? Was I even talking?
    I feel a hand on me, a tug, pulling me away from Mrs. Rabbi.
    I turn around and it’s Jake.
    Jake!
    Ah, Jake. Jake, who was my friend in kindergarten and then moved away for so many years. And now he’s back. With his beautiful back.
    Hee. Jake.
    He looks at me looking at him. He doesn’t say anything. I smile at him. I think. I hope I’m smiling.
    His eyes are so sexy. He’s kind of a nerd but he has sexy eyes. Can you be a nerd with sexy eyes? Can you be a nerd and a jock? Can you be a nerd jock with sexy eyes and a back that women would jump through hoops for? Get it? Jump through hoops for? I’m cracking myself up.
    “You think I’m a nerd?” he says.
    I have GOT to stop thinking out loud.
    “No. Yes. But I also think you have sexy eyes and a strong back,” I say.
Pot = truth serum.
    I smile my most winning smile and try to talk my way out of this: “You are an enigma. A paradox. A mystery to me.”
    “And you are a girl whose beautiful face is covered with cake and icing,” Jake says, taking a napkin and wiping off my face.
    Did