Intentions Read Online Free PDF

of oomph into it. I should be happy about that, but for some reason I’m not.
    When I walk into the sanctuary, I swear I get post-traumatic stress syndrome. Seeing the dark blue velvet cushions and the blond wood, smelling that musty-old-prayer-book-ladies-in-perfume-old-man-onion-sweet-wine-so-many-people smell—brings it all back. I can’t even look at the bima . I turn around to leave and bump smack into Alexis.
    “What are you doing here?” I ask her. She hasn’t been to services in forever.
    But there’s Adam, next to her. Alexis raises her fingers to her lips as if she’s holding a joint and sucks in. “Wanna meet us out back during the sermon? You’ll enjoy the Oneg much more.”
    “Come on, Rachel, time to lose your virginity,” says Adam, and he raises his eyebrows. Acting like he didn’t text me. “I mean your pot virginity, Rachel,” and he and Alexis both laugh. I did try pot once, at camp, but nothing happened. I guess Alexis forgot I told her that. I am curious to try again, but at temple? Really? And then Adam leans in close to me and whispers in myear (why does he keep doing that?), “We can always take care of the other kind when we’re alone.” Chills again. Damn him.
    Alexis, Adam, and I are blocking the doorway of the sanctuary, so everyone has to walk around us going in. I am about to move away when Jake comes toward me.
    “Hi, Rachel,” he says, looking into my eyes. We haven’t talked since study hall. His eyes lock with mine, and they’re so penetrating I lose my balance and step back right into some lady who snaps, “Careful!”
    These boys are driving me crazy.
    “Sorry,” I say, grabbing on to Jake’s arm.
    “Hey, hey,” says Dr. Schmidt, Jake’s dad, who’s the new president of the synagogue. “You kids are in the way.” He’s smiling at us, though.
    “Sorry, Dad,” says Jake.
    “Sorry,” I mumble again. Adam and Alexis have disappeared.
    “Please go sit down, son,” he says, patting Jake on the back. Jake looks at me, but I smile, shrug, point vaguely in the other direction, and turn around.
    No way am I going in there.
    I walk quickly down the hall to my favorite bathroom. No one is in here, but there are a bunch of girls’ coats thrown on the couch. I burrow under them and go to sleep.
    I don’t know how long I’ve been hibernating under the coats, but I wake up to a giggle of little girls walking in.
    It must be sermon time.
    I sit up and climb out from the pile. The girls squeal and scream.
    “Grrrr,” I say, making a monster face, my hands up in the air, like claws. “Grrr …”
    More squeals, and laughter, as they pile onto the couch in a puppy heap.
    I go to the parking lot out back.

CHAPTER 6A
    NOT A VIRGIN
    Adam and Alexis are definitely high. They are giggling and telling stupid jokes as we walk back into the temple. I feel nothing.
    With my first toke I had a coughing fit. That didn’t happen at camp, but I don’t think I was doing it right then. This time I inhaled big and it really hurt going in, but they said it would be easier the second time. They told me how to inhale, how to hold it in. It didn’t hurt the second time, but I don’t think I did it right, because I feel nothing. So they kept getting me to take more hits, as they called them. Why are they called hits? Or tokes? Why not just puffs? Or drags? It did get easier and easier to do the whatever-you-want-to-call-thems. You? Who’s you? Who am I talking to?
    When I said I wasn’t stoned, Adam said he didn’t feel anything his first time either. I said it wasn’t my first time, but Alexis interrupted me, saying she had felt something her first time. I think she was lying to impress Adam. She would do that. But I could tell. Couldn’t he? Not if he’s stoned, I guess. I’m not stoned. I wish I were. Stoned, I mean, not lying. Stoned. Wish I were.
    Wish, witch, which. Which way did Adam and Alexis go? Where are they? Should I walk into the temple? How should I walk into