Infinite Devotion Read Online Free PDF

imply with that comment?” Father says through his grinding teeth.
    “Nothing, except that I’ve had to share Lucrezia our whole marriage. You and Cesare fight for her charms as only a husband would.”
    The court is unsettled by this accusation, and Giovanni begins to enjoy the stir he causes. I don’t feel sorry for deceiving him any longer.
    “My cardinals, this is slander.”
    “And my impotency is not?’
    The cardinal proclaims, “Giovanni, since you will not demonstrate you potency in front of the court and the lady proclaims her virginity, which a papal doctor confirms, I can only rule that the marriage is annulled due to impotency.”
    The cardinal gives two papers for a servant of the court to bring to each of us. My father signs mine. Giovanni shakes his head as he begrudgingly signs his.
    Giovanni looks up and says, “I will say a prayer for your next husband.”
    Father puts his arm around my shoulder, and I try to walk to hide the large bump that is getting bigger with each day.
    ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
    I’m delivered back to San Sisto. I’m sure the rumors of our humiliating annulment are buzzing throughout Rome and elsewhere. I’m glad to be secluded away from it all. Father has reassigned Perotto so that he won’t be delivering any more messages to me, and I grow fat and lonely in my convent suite.
    I’m tied up to a tree in the middle of a cropless field with fabric stuffed in my mouth. I squint up in the sunlight to see something floating down. When it floats nearer, I see it’s a sealed letter. It’s beautiful and mesmerizing as it flutters this way and that. As soon as it hits the ground, a brown wolf pounces on it and shreds it in pieces. I pull at my restraints to stop the wolf, but I can’t get free, and my screams won’t be heard.
    I wake up sweating, alone with my enormous belly on the chilly moonless night.
    There’s a commotion at the door of the convent below my room the next morning, and I open the window to see what it’s about.
    “He can’t keep me from her!” I hear Perotto’s voice.
    Three nuns push him back out the door, but he spins around and runs back through the open door. He tears down the corridor, and Pantasilea tries to hold the door shut, but he flings the door open with such force that Pantasilea falls on her backside.
    “Lucrezia!” He rushes to me and wraps his arms around me but feels the swollen belly and pulls away, eyes wide.
    “Is this mine?”
    I shake my head without making eye contact.
    “You lie to me! It is mine! That explains why His Holiness forbade me to see you. It’s why he has allowed you to return here.” He sits back in the chair, absorbing it all.
    I say nothing; I have to be very careful. I’m supposed to speak to no one but my most trusted maids. Pantasilea looks out the window, worrying that Perotto knows now.
    “You must go back and say nothing, or your life will be in danger.”
    “Say nothing? We should be wed. I’ll talk to your father and make him understand it’s the right thing to do.”
    What a fool. He actually thinks my father will allow me to wed a messenger! I clumsily kneel at his feet and grab his hand.
    “Perotto, you must hear me. Father is hiding me so no one knows of this birth. I’ll still be declared a virgin, and you must not say anything to the contrary.”
    Perotto throws his head back in anger.
    “No, Perotto, you must be quiet, or you will be silenced!” Panicked tears stream.
    “What will happen to my child?”
    “It’ll be raised as Cesare’s illegitimate child and inherit rich papal lands. I’ll watch over the child and make sure it has everything it wants. Our child will not suffer in the slightest.”
    He looks me in the eyes and takes me in for a prolonged hug. As he pulls away, he says, “I’m your father’s favorite messenger. I’ll speak to him and see if some other arrangement can be reached.”
    I open my mouth to protest, and he puts his finger up to my lips.