Incendiary Read Online Free PDF Page B

but we ignored them.
    The good motor was parked in front of our old Astra.
    —Look at that, said my husband. Aston Martin DB7. Hell of a vehicle.
    He took our boy off his shoulders so he could look in the windows. The little chap pressed his nose up against the glass. It was all black leather in there.
    —0 to 60 in 5 seconds flat son, said my husband. 400 horsepower. Take her up to 170 maybe 180. The force don’t have anything that goes that quick. If a villain wanted to give us the run around in one of these things we’d have to go after him in a chopper.
    —Chopper, said our boy. Chopper chopper chopper.
    He grinned. He loved that word.
    Then they climbed in our old Astra and drove off. The boy pressed his nose against the window glass and I waved him good-bye. I don’t even remember if he waved back. I wasn’t really watching I was thinking about what we needed from the shops. It’s funny but you don’t think about death you think about running out of crisps and toilet roll. I never saw my husband or my boy again.
    I went to the shop and I bought toilet roll bacon eggs choc-chip ice cream crisps chicken kievs butter bin bags and beer. The ice cream was a treat for my chaps when they got back from the game. It was my boy’s second-favourite thing after his dad. On the way back from the shop I saw Jasper Black and he was about to get into the Aston Martin DB7.
    —Hello there, he said.
    —Alright. That’s a nice motor. I’ll bet it does 0 to 60 in 5 seconds flat. I’ll bet it does 170 maybe 180.
    —Gosh, said Jasper Black. I didn’t know you knew cars.
    —Well that just goes to show you don’t know anything about me at all.
    —I’d like to get to know you better, said Jasper Black.
    —I’ll bet you would but I’m afraid that won’t be possible.
    —Excuse me? said Jasper Black.
    —You heard. The other night was a mistake. My husband’s a good man I should never of cheated on him.
    —Well can’t we at least talk? said Jasper Black.
    —Nope. My choc-chip’s melting.
    —I suppose I should really be going too, said Jasper Black.
    —Well off you trot then. Wherever you’re going I reckon you can still make it if you get a wriggle on. Your motor does 180 miles an hour after all.
    Jasper Black laughed.
    —I’m off to a football match actually, he said. Arsenal are playing Chelsea.
    —Yeah I had heard. My husband and my boy are there.
    —They say it’s going to be quite a game, said Jasper Black.
    —I didn’t have you down for a football fan.
    —Oh I’m really not. Not in the slightest.
    —So why now?
    —Petra, said Jasper Black. My girlfriend. She insists I must at least try to get up to speed with the game. I seem to be the last man in England who isn’t. I’m failing to hold my own at dinner parties. Last week Petra gave me an ultimatum. For god’s sake Jasper she said. Do you have to be such a snob? If you don’t drag yourself out of your ivory tower and along to a football match this very weekend I’m moving back to Primrose Hill. Petra does that sort of thing you see. Drama. She’s not like you.
    —So what did you say to her?
    —I couldn’t say anything. It was all a bit awkward. We were having supper with two of Petra’s girlfriends. Sophie and Hermione. They’re painters.
    —Good for them. Good steady trade. People will always need painters.
    —Ah, said Jasper Black. Well they’re not that sort of painter actually. They paint canvases. Mainly post-representational. They’re very Hoxton. They’re the kind of girls who’ll talk about football and cook you something ghastly like eel pie. Which one’s expected to find deliciously ironic. Rather than actually delicious if you see what I mean.
    I was standing there holding my shopping bags with my mouth half open.
    —I’m sorry, said Jasper Black. I’m boring you aren’t I?
    —Yeah you are.
    In fact Jasper Black was boring me so much I was trying not to dribble.
    —You’re very plainspoken, said Jasper Black. You