If I Die Read Online Free PDF Page A

hadn’t, and that had led to pregnancy—another experience I would never have—and to a loss I could never personally understand.
    But Danica would live. If she wanted another baby, she’d have time for that, whenever she was ready.
    I would not. I wouldn’t have time for anything. No more firsts, and only one more last. My time was up.
    What the hell am I doing here? I couldn’t help Danica. It was none of my business who her baby’s father was, even if he was a teacher, on the odd chance that Sabine was right. Even if that teacher wasn’t human. I was just using Danica and her problems to distract myself from my own, and that wasn’t fair for either of us.
    Half ashamed of myself and half irrationally irritated, I had one hand on the door handle when the bed creaked behind me.
    “You’re not a nurse.”
    I turned slowly, suddenly nervous. I had no idea what to say to her. How to explain my presence. We weren’t friends. I didn’t have any similar personal experience or wisdom to share with her. I was just snooping. And now I’d been caught.
    “Kaylee Cavanaugh?” Danica squinted into the shadows beyond her bed, and I nodded.
    “Yeah. Hi.”
    “What are you doing here?”
    “I was…visiting a friend. Then I remembered you were here, and thought you might like some company.”
    She didn’t smile and wave me over. But she didn’t yell for security, either. “Isn’t it kinda late for visitors?”
    I shrugged and came forward slowly, my hands in my pockets. “Yeah, but I can hang till I get caught, if you want.”
    Danica stared at the hands she was twisting together, and I knew she was going to tell me to get lost. But then she looked up, and there were tears standing in her eyes, and I realized that maybe her problems were as rough as mine. Maybe even rougher—after all, mine would soon be over. “That’d be cool. If you want.”
    I sat in the armchair by the window, and we avoided looking at each other, neither of us sure what to say. But finally Danica sighed and pressed the button to raise the back of her bed, then she leaned against the pillow and rolled her head to face me. “So, I guess everyone’s talking about what happened?”
    “Well, it’s probably safe to say that the girls’ quarter-final basketball loss is no longer big news.”
    Danica nodded slowly. “What are they saying?”
    “The most extreme theory I’ve heard so far is that you’re dying of colon cancer.” Another shrug. “But most people think you had a miscarriage.” Which I knew for sure.
    Danica rubbed tears from her eyes with the heels of both hands. “Everything’s so messed up….”
    “Messed up seems to be my natural state of being. But if it makes you feel any better, Max has your back. He’s telling everyone you couldn’t be pregnant, ’cause you guys never…” I let my words trail off toward the obvious conclusion, and Danica’s eyes overflowed again.
    I felt bad about manipulating her. I really did. But I couldn’t tell her I knew the rumors were true, because she’d ask how I knew. So I needed her to tell me herself.
    “Yeah. Max doesn’t have my back anymore,” she sniffled.“He came to see me after school, and I had to tell him the truth.” Another sniffle, and this time she reached for a tissue from the rolling tray table.
    “The truth?” I held my breath. She wouldn’t tell me. I mean, I wouldn’t tell me, if I were Danica. She didn’t owe me any answers.
    “I was pregnant. But it wasn’t his.”
    I actually glanced around the room in surprise, looking for evidence of medical malpractice in the form of unregulated, judgment-impairing pain medication. But then I saw her watching me, looking for something in my expression, and I realized that she wasn’t overmedicated. She just needed a friend.
    “Wow.” And suddenly I felt guilty for pumping her for information just to distract myself from my own encroaching expiration date, when all she wanted was a friendly ear.