I Served the King of England Read Online Free PDF Page B

switched cups on him, and Mr. Živnostek almost choked to death until the vet gave
     him such a whack on the back that the teeth flew out and dropped under the table. Mr.
     Živnostek thought they were teeth from his factory and stamped on them, but then
     realized too late that they were his own custom-made dentures, and then it was the
     dental technician Mr. Šloser who had the lastlaugh. He liked
     doing rush repair jobs because they brought in the most money, which is why his best
     time of the year was the start of the rabbit-and-pheasant season when the hunters would
     all get together after the day’s shoot and dine on their kill and get so drunk
     that many of them would break their teeth on the pellets, and Mr. Šloser would have
     to work day and night to repair them so their wives and families wouldn’t find
     out. But the Rubber King had other things with him as well. One day he brought in what
     he called the Widow’s Consolation, though I never did find out what it was,
     because he kept it in what looked like a clarinet case. As the Widow’s Consolation
     was passed around the table each of them would open it a crack, hoot with laughter, and
     then snap it shut and quickly pass it on, and even though I was serving them beer, I
     never found out what it was that consoled widows. Once the Rubber King brought an
     artificial woman made of rubber. It was winter, and the regulars were sitting in the
     kitchen instead of in the billiards room or by the window, where they sat in summer,
     divided off from the rest of the room by a curtain, and the Rubber King made a kind of
     speech to the dummy, and they all laughed, but I didn’t find it funny at all.
     Everyone at the table got to hold the dummy, but as soon as anyone had it in his hands,
     he’d suddenly turn serious and blush and quickly pass it on to the one next to
     him, and the Rubber King lectured them as if they were schoolboys: This, gentlemen, is
     the very latest thing, a sexual object to take to bed with you, a puppet made of rubber.
     Her name is Primavera, and you can have your way with her, she’s practically
     alive, and she’s approximately the size of a fully grown young woman. She’s
     exciting, close-fittingand warm and sexy, and there are a million
     men out there just dying for her, dying to blow her up with their own mouths. This
     woman, the creature of your own breath, will restore your faith in yourselves and make
     you potent again and give you longer erections and superb satisfaction. Primavera,
     gentlemen, is made of special rubber, and between her legs is the queen of rubbers, foam
     rubber, and her orifice is provided with all the tucks and turns a woman should have. A
     tiny battery-operated vibrator activates it with a gentle stimulating pulsation so the
     female organ has a natural action of its own, and everyone can attain climax as he
     desires, and every man is the master of the situation. To avoid the inconvenience of
     cleaning out the orifice, you may use a Primeros condom, which comes with a tube of
     glycerine cream to prevent chafing. Everyone around the table wore himself out blowing
     up Primavera, and when it was passed on to the next man, the Rubber King would pull out
     the little plug and the air would go out of her, so that each man would have to blow it
     up himself and feel her swell under his hands with the breath from his own lungs, while
     the others clapped and laughed, eager for their turn, and there was great hilarity in
     the kitchen, and the cashier fidgeted and crossed and recrossed her legs and got very
     restless, as though each time they blew the dummy up they were inflating and deflating
     her. They fooled around like that until midnight.
    Another salesman showed up with something similar, but it was more
     beautiful and more practical. He represented a tailoring firm from Pardubice, and our
     maître d’, who was always pressed for time, knew about him through an old
     army connection