I am HER... Read Online Free PDF Page B

good.  What's wrong?  You look terrible."
  "Nothing,"  I exhale.  I didn't even realize I had been holding my breath until then.
  "Okay... Well, when you want to apologize for this morning, and talk about what you said to me, come find me.  I'll be in my office, or in the spare room."  Turning, Marcus leaves the room without a backward glance. 

  I am absolutely stunned again.  Apologize?  Apologize for what? Telling him sex isn't that great?  Or that he kind of assaulted me while I slept?  Or apologize for not wanting him to see my naked big thighs and butt ?  The list is endless...
  Quickly; I throw on my pajamas and run for the bathroom.  Looking at my reflection... EW!   I have mascara everywhere.  I look terrible.  No wonder Marcus asked me what was wrong even though he's mad at me. See, he is a nice man.  He cares for me.  He does care, at least.  Finally, I remove my smeared make-up, brush my teeth and go pee.  I'm still so tired even after my 7 plus hour ‘nap’ .
  Crawling into bed, I exhale again.  Why do I keep holding my breath?  That’s  new.  Laughing is new.  Leaving the office is new. Talking back to my husband is new.  Swearing out loud is new.  What’s going on with me? Am I actually crazy now, no longer becoming crazy? 

                                 Wednesday, May 25 th
     
                                          CHAPTER 3
 
       When I wake up, Marcus is already gon e.  Somehow Marcus slipped into our bedroom and dressed in his walk-in closet without waking me,  thank god.   I can get up, dress and shower alone, in peace.  I don’t have to see his eyes of disapproval and disappointment.  I’m free of his judgments, well, at least until this evening when he returns home.
      Downstairs, I see his cereal bowl is in the sink and the coffee pot is half empty, which is somewhat comforting.  At least he isn't acting strangely.  He’s just ignoring me, which I expect. I always expect to be ignored when someone is mad at me.  I'm usually ignored regardless of what I’ve done.  Being ignored is how I’m most comfortable actually, because when you’re being ignored no one ever makes eye contact with you.
     
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      When I arrive at work, I'm nervous.  I don't really want to see Kayla.  I hated her seeing me freak out yesterday.  I hate people seeing me act up.  I like to be calm and controlled-  Not like yesterday.  Yesterday was just weird.  I've never laughed like that before in my life.  I think I lost 10 pounds laughing my ass off... literally .   Oh, no .  I feel a giggle bubbling up my throat.
  "Hey, Sweetie," Kayla says, making me jump as she follows me toward my office.  I push the giggle down deep. "How are you this morning?  You look better.  Did you and Marcus work it out last night?"
  "Yes.  We're good."  I lie.
      I hate lying. I absolutely never lie because it’s just not worth the stress I feel after a lie, fearing whomever might find out the truth about me.  But Kayla can be ruthless when she's on a mission, so it's better to lie to her, just this once.
  Looking right in my eyes, Kayla smiles, "I'm sure you still need to talk to your 'Five minute man' about some things, but I'm glad you guys are working it out."  God, I HATE eye contact!
      “Yes, we're working it out...” with silence, I mutter to myself.  Ugh, different topic needed.  "Did anything happen after I left yesterday?"
  "Nope.  I left your emails alone, because they had expense attachments, and your phone only rang a couple times.  I told Heinrick's Receptionist to email over his expense reports pronto, and I think I scared her a little.  Oh well, she'll learn.  Big Daddy Shields called down to talk to you, but when I told him you had to leave for the rest of the day, he said it