constant stream of tears away. âHow do you even walk around with all of these people staring at you? All of thisâ¦â
I could have filled in about a million different feelings where Bradley trailed off. Anger, sadness, hurt, disgust, grief, depression. Loss.
âIt gets lighter.â I answered with the truth and regretted the glib taste on my tongue. âI mean, it never goes away. The feelings. They never stop, but it getsâ¦I donât knowâ¦livable, I guess. Like when you break a leg, at first itâs excruciating and you think youâre going to die. But eventually after youâve had time to heal, it kind of fades into this constant, dull ache.â A faint breeze whistled through the leaves of the trees and plants surrounding us and tickled the back of my neck like cold fingers. âYou never walk the same again, but eventually you do walk.â
I needed him to know that he could survive this, to understand that eventually heâd see a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel, and it would open up.
âHe didnât even leave me a message. Thirty-two calls and no messages. If he was going to kill himself, wouldnât he tell me why? I was his best friend. He wouldnâtâ¦he couldnâtâ¦he would have told me something. I know it.â
I looked at my feet, not knowing how to tell him that Alistair had left me a message, that I might have his last words on a tinny recording on my cell phone. âIâ¦waitâ¦â I unearthed my phone from the bottom of my bag. âYou need to listen to this.â
I pressed Play and pretended not to notice the way Bradley looked like heâd been punched in the stomach when he heard Alistairâs voice.
âIâm at the Heart of Brown and I know exactly what I have to do. I wonât let them hurt him.â
Bradley was off and running toward the old buildings that lined the fringes of Pemberly Brownâs campus before I even had time to switch off my phone. Back in the old days, Pemberly Brown was two schools. Pemberly Academy was an all-girls school and the Brown School for Boys was all boys. When they merged in the â50s, an architect redesigned and expanded Pemberlyâs campus to work as a coed institution, and the old Brown buildings had sat unused ever since. There was one building called âthe Heart of Brownâ that the Brotherhood had used as their meeting place.
I raced to keep up with Bradleyâs long strides, but his legs were trained, his muscles taut after years of lacrosse practice, and were no match for me and my riding boots. By the time I got to the building, the front door was already ajar and Bradley had disappeared inside.
I yanked up the collar of my uniform shirt to protect myself against the dust, and I followed him into the darkened hallways. At first it wasnât bad because I had the light from the door to guide me, but when I saw that the trail of footsteps made a right at the first hallway, I knew it would be nothing but darkness from this point forward, dust covering any visible windows, classroom doors shut tight.
I put one foot tentatively in front of the other, willing myself not to panic in the dark. My hand shook as I reached into the pocket of my uniform skirt for my phone. God bless the flashlight app. The light of the screen momentarily blinded me, and I felt something graze my ankle.
âOh my God!â Something scurried off in the other direction, too fast for the glow of my phone. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back to the safety of the bright April morning.
But then I heard Bradleyâs voice echo through the halls. âKate! You gotta come see this. I think I found something.â
I followed the sound of his voice and the thin stream of light from my phone into a large, cavernous room down one of the winding hallways. When I finally made it to the door, I saw Bradley kneeling on the ground with his own phone
Carl Hiaasen, William D Montalbano