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seen earlier, swapping spit with another sixth grader.
    Loose flaps of skin hung between her front and back legs like a furry cape. The chewing gum pushed her cheeks into balloons, and her black beret, the hall monitor's uniform, dipped at a dangerous angle. Her badge read: LUZ LIPPS.
    She noticed my inspection. "Take a picture," said Luz. "It'll last longer."
    "Shucks," I said. "And me with no camera."
    "So." She popped the gum. "What's
your
business?"
    "Monkey business," I said, and waved my pink slip.
    The squirrel scowled. "You better get your tail up to the office."
    I bowed. "When you put it so sweetly, how can I refuse?"
    With a last tough-gal look, she swaggered off down the hall. I made my way to the principal's office.
    As always, Mrs. Crow sat at her station. I don't think I'd recognize her without the counter covering half of her body.
    "Well, well," she croaked. "To what do I owe this honor?"
    I flashed the note. "To my big mouth."
    "Now there's a surprise."
    "Is Mr. Wonderful in?" I asked.
    "Whaddaya know?" said Mrs. Crow. "He is. I'm sure he'd love to see you."
    If Mr. Zero felt something when he saw me, it probably wasn't love. It was something cold and hard, with more teeth in it. Squaring my shoulders, I padded across the reception area and up to the half-open red door.
    In answer to my knock, a smooth voice purred, "Come in, Gecko."
    I trudged up to the wide black desk. Behind it, Emerson Hicky's fearless leader was sharpening his claws on the office drapes. I knew how they felt.
    "What is it this time?" said the massive tomcat, turning to face me.
    I plunked the pink slip onto his desk. "The substitute doesn't like me."
    "Imagine that," he rumbled, and scanned the note.
    "In my defense, let me say I was working on a case."
    "Mister, you
are
a case." He smoothed his whiskers. "You're nothing but trouble, you avoid your schoolwork, and you have a bad attitude. And do you know what I plan do about it?"
    I braced myself. "What?"
    His fangs glinted in a smile. "Hire you."
    You could've knocked me over with a hummingbird feather.

8. Boy Meets Squirrel
    "Uh..." I gaped. "You, uh, want to hire me?"
    Mr. Zero leaned onto his forearms. "Gecko, despite all your faults, you actually have solved a case or two."
    "Gee, thanks," I said.
    The principal's claws emerged. His eyes narrowed. "And now I've got a case that needs solving. Things have begun disappearing around school."
    Yeah, like my mom's necklace,
I thought.
    "At first, we didn't worry much—a watch here, a camera there. But last night, two computers went missing from the library."
    I whistled. "Them's big potatoes. Any clues?"
    Mr. Zero's claws sank into his scarred desktop.
"None," he rumbled. "No sign of a break-in; no evidence left behind."
    "Impressive," I said. "This operation is slicker than greased duck snot."
    The principal raised an eyebrow.
    "If you'll, uh, pardon the phrase," I said.
    "I want you to help me shut down this thief," he said. "Pronto."
    I spread my hands. "I'm flattered, boss man. Lil' old me? But why haven't you called in John Q. Law—you know, the cops?"
    "You're suspicious for a fourth grader."
    "It's a suspicious world," I said.
    The principal tilted back and rubbed his watermelon gut with a paw. He seemed to be chewing something over.
    "Very well," he said. "We can't call the police because I don't want any word of this to get out."
    "Afraid it'll scare off the tourists?" I asked.
    "No, Gecko. If the school superintendent hears that we've got thieves, he won't let us display the Flubberjee Egg."
    I blinked. "The who-bejee what?"
    His eyebrows drew together like two caterpillars smooching. "Do you pay
any
attention to what happens at this school?"
    "As little as possible."
    "The egg is a rare jewel being shown at the fair tomorrow. If the super hears we've got a theft problem, he won't let it come here."
    I scratched my chin. "And this would be a problem because...?"
    He leaned forward. "No egg, no big crowds. No big