Heart Of Marley Read Online Free PDF Page A

holidays with Dad’s side of the family.
    That’s the thing about Cam. He’s always been quick to forgive and forget, but that’s not me. I remember. I remember the pain. I remember the horror. I remember the shame. I still feel all those things, even though I know I’m not supposed to. Having a niece with emotional problems is not the way to win pageants.
    They do care about us, but I know taking us on has been a burden to them. Not a month after they agreed to take guardianship of us, Aunt Terryn found out that she was pregnant with Meg. The ladies here in town came over to tell her what an amazing thing she was doing. We became their charity case. Cam never saw it, but I did.
    I started to get entered into pageants, Aunt Terryn playing the “Her mama can’t raise her, and she’s had such a rough life so she should win” card. And I usually did win, but Aunt Terryn never thought of the emotional repercussions to me from being paraded around like a sex object…
    A sex object…
    A sex object…  
    That’s how I felt all those years ago. And that’s how I still feel to this day.
    I wish it would stop.
    I wish I didn’t feel this way anymore.
    But I do. And I have no one that I can talk to about this. Or maybe I just don’t want to talk about it. I could tell Cam anything and everything, but I worry that this would put a damper on his relationship with Aunt Terryn and Uncle Graham, and I hate the thought of that. I love how desperately he wants a healthy pseudo-parental relationship. We kind of have that with Mama, but we only get to see her once a week. I know that Cam craves more, and I can’t bear the thought of taking that from him.
    I guess I shouldn’t complain. We could have ended up in the foster care system and been separated eventually, but that didn’t happen. Aunt Terryn and Uncle Graham gave us food, something we hadn’t had on a regular basis for years. They put a roof over our heads. They gave us stability. They gave us family. They gave us love. But sometimes I wonder whether it’s all an act for them, too. Did they just do it so that all the parishioners at church would think that Pastor Bowen was such a humanitarian? Did they just do it so that Aunt Terryn could pull the sympathy card during pageants, ensuring that I won so that she, essentially, won, too?
    I’m so sick of having to brush everything under the rug. Everyone here does it and no one says anything. This is normal. This is what is expected. I don’t know how much longer I can forget and hide my past. I feel like I’m on a boat that’s sprung more and more holes over the years. Every day that I’m forced to be someone I’m not is another leak in my boat. I fear that, one day, it’ll be too much and I’ll no longer be able to save myself from the raging storm that will pull me under.
    Part of me is looking forward to going away to college so that I can finally be me again. I miss the real me, even though she comes out to play once in a while, normally when I’m on the roof with Cam. He’s the only one that understands and loves me unconditionally. I don’t want to think about not being at the same college as him. I’ll go wherever he goes. I have no direction in life. He does. I can find a course of study anywhere. Anywhere that I feel safe and loved, and that’s with Cam by my side. Cam is my normal, and I need normal.
    Tonight was one of those moments of normalcy that I’ve begun to look forward to and crave over the past several years. I felt as though I didn’t even have to put on an act. I could be me and not be judged.
    I left the house shortly after Cam did and headed to my job at a clothing boutique at the mall.
    “Hey, Aunt Terryn,” I said, flying down the stairs, noticing that I had spent too much time figuring out what to wear and was now running late. “I’m off to work. I’m going to the bonfire at the beach after, but I’ll drop my car off at home first and walk.”
    She raised her eyebrows at