Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) Read Online Free PDF Page A

point.
    “I love you, Jo, but this isn’t working right.”
    Her face paled but she didn’t say anything. He knew what she thought he was trying to say, but that wasn’t it. But if he didn’t get this out in one go, he’d never get it out.
    “We’ve always been honest with each other, but somewhere along the way, our communication broke down. We broke down. You made a decision that affects us, a decision that should have included both of us.”
    She shook her head, not meeting his eyes this time. “Cody, I’m so sorry—”
    “Hang on a sec. I was irritated, pissed, but not because you made that decision, but because you didn’t come to me first. You didn’t talk to me, Jo. We’re a team. If one of the guys tried a play that I hadn’t seen before or made a change in the lines that they hadn’t talked to me beforehand about, I wouldn’t know how to react and that’s kind of where we are. You’ve been making all the calls here, and I’m just expected to go along for the ride.”
    “We talked about children, Cody. We both decided we didn’t want them.” She pushed her salad around on her plate with her fork.
    “I know we did.”
    “I didn’t think that your feelings would have changed. I’m going crazy over here. I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I’m so deathly terrified.” Her eyes welled up with unshed tears, but she clenched her jaw. That was one of the things he loved about her, how strong she was.
    “We’ve always done everything together, Jo. This shouldn’t have been any different.”
    “I’m scared. My feelings about this pregnancy changed my mind about kids, but I didn’t think you would change your mind. And I didn’t want it to come down to me choosing between my husband and his baby.”
    He covered her hand with his. “I know that we’re not in the ideal situation to have children, Jo…”
    “A baby isn’t something that we can just give back, Cody. It’s a lifetime commitment.”
    “It’s not like we can’t afford a kid. I make good money.”
    “It’s not just about money. You’re on the road all the time.”
    “I’m not always going to be a hockey player. Eventually I’ll retire.” The statement was weak even to his ears. He still had a good ten years of playing time if he had anything to say about it.
    “And in the meantime, I’m stuck changing dirty diapers and up to my ears in bottles and pacifiers while you’re out playing a game with your buddies.”
    “Jo—”
    “I can’t do this alone, Cody. I’m not a mother.” Tears escaped, sliding down her cheeks. She broke her gaze from him, and pulled her hand back to quickly wipe the tears away. “Damn it.”
    There wasn’t much he could say to make her feel better, yet that was all he wanted to do. Yeah, he’d been mad, but he understood a little more about why she had kept it from him. Fear made people do crazy things. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
    “Don’t I? Do you really want to be a dad, Cody?”
    The question wasn’t surprising, but he wasn’t prepared for it. Being a parent would change their whole dynamic. Their lives would change completely. They had plans to travel the world. Something that wouldn’t be possible later, after the birth. There would be diapers and pee-wee league and pacifiers and later, there would be sports practice and all the things that would prevent them from having the full life they’d wanted. But on the other hand, would all that really be that bad?
    He shook his head. “I never did before.” The sentence shook her visibly, so he quickly added, “You know how I grew up, Jo. You know my dad was a jerk. Publicly a jerk. I haven’t even seen him in years. And Mom? She’s currently going through her second twenties. I don’t want that life for any child I bring into this world.”
    “You are not your dad.”
    “Am I not? I’m a pro hockey player. Like him. I’m a goalie. Like him. Hell, I even play for the one of the same teams he did.