Hadassah Covenant, The Read Online Free PDF Page A

the world knew the truth about Darius’ death.
    Inside, my thoughts careened into an avalanche of desperate invention.
    “I only meant, Your Majesty—I mean, Artaxerxes—only to soothe your grief. To reassure you that just because you ascended to the throne as a result of blood shed that night, it does not mean you wished it upon anyone.”
    My words tumbled over each other and he seemed satisfied, for his expression resumed its previous languid state and his taut muscles relaxed once more. I took note of this heightened sensitivity and realized its danger. Artaxerxes could be like the sea: calm and placid on the surface, but like any other sea, concealing treacherous rocks and shoals. The subjects of ascending to the throne and retaining rulership were clearly dangerous.
    I breathed deeply again myself as he began to talk about the frustration of watching long-lost relatives resurface upon his ascension to vie for influence and complicate his life.
    Throughout our conversation your name arose often and with great favor. Artaxerxes clearly does think of you as his truest and first mother. I guess you, of all people, would know how to treat an adopted child as a true and loving parent would.
    He confessed the awesome strain of satisfying, placating, and defending himself against so many various factions within Persia. The threats to his throne.
    At one point he stopped and looked into my eyes again.
    “I never thought I would ever share these things with anyone,” he said. “If candor is a result of love, then, Leah, I believe I am falling in love with you.”
    I smiled outwardly and trembled inwardly, for I could not forget stories of commoners perishing for their knowledge of such palace intrigues and secrets.
    “And I with you, my dear Artaxerxes,” I replied, displaying outward calm in spite of my fears.
    Again I experienced that divided, spectatorlike sensation. Was this common? Did Artaxerxes the King say these things to all the concubines? Were these mere words meant to accompany another meaningless night of royal passion?
    Despite these misgivings, what frightened me most of all was the growing certainty, deep within me, that his words of affection for me were true!
    Yet even that inner spark could not convince me to believe the whispered affirmations. I could live with anything except a broken heart, I knew. I could bear the isolation of the women’s quarters, tolerate the gossip and political backbiting. But to believe I was trulyloved and then be ignored—that frightened me. Inwardly I began to harden myself against that possibility, even as outwardly I became more tender. The specter of rejection began to haunt my mind.
    We kissed, long and warmly, after which he asked me more about myself. And I told him what was acceptable to tell—of my warm, comfortable upbringing in Susa, my loving parents and one brother. I did not tell him, of course, anything of my Hebrew heritage. Or of the fact that my great-great-grandfather was Jeconiah, the Jewish king and first leader of the Exile, carried as a captive here to this region. Nor of the terror that ransacked my senses when the soldiers seized me by force and whisked me into the palace. Of all the things I withheld from him, the one I felt most keenly at that moment was my familiarity with all things royal because of you, Esther.
    Halfway through, I mercifully heard a light snore and allowed myself to fall asleep for a second time.
    And then I awoke, as you had described from your own experience, to the slamming open of doors and the whole array of royal aides pouring into the room, oblivious to my presence. I am so glad you told me of this, for without your forewarning, I would have been just as appalled and confused as you were at the sudden end to our intimate tryst.
    Furthermore, thanks to your descriptions, I was prepared for the letdown of being escorted back across those huge terraces and returned to the harem. Of course, Jesse and Mordecai awaited me