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part of the establishment here in Britain. We even let some of its bishops sit in Parliament and help decide our laws, which explains why we’re still not allowed to go shopping on Easter Sunday.
    The Church of England was originally established about five hundred years ago primarily to allow King Henry VIII to abandon and murder his wives with God’s blessing, but now that purpose has been served it’s become something of a joke organisation which is often referred to as the Conservative Party in drag.
    Right now the leaders of the Church are preoccupied, not with homelessness or poverty or injustice, but whether it’s right for one man to insert his penisinto another man’s anus in private. This is what they’re focussed on, and we all know that you get what you focus on, which is probably why half of them joined the Church in the first place.
    One person I do feel a little sorry for, though, is the Archbishop of Canterbury – the most important clergyman in Britain, and he’s only got two lousy palaces to live in. What sort of life is that for a man of God? I bet if Jesus came back even he’d be embarrassed for him. I bet he wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye.
    But anyway that’s pretty much how things stand here in Britain. Religion is alive and well, in the sense that a crocodile that’s swimming towards you is alive and well, and its influence is growing as steadily as a clergyman’s penis in a roomful of choirboys.
    But here now, as in America, people are starting to speak out against this creeping insanity, and who knows, if enough of us do it maybe one day humanity will come to its senses and we can finally put this fake God into a rocket ship and send the silly old fool back into thin air where he came from. I’m looking forward to it. Peace.

    * YouTube user.

9.
In Jesus’ Name
    April 25, 2007
    You want to know what I think? I think Satan has been born again. I really do. I think he has accepted Jesus into his heart because he knows a good racket when he sees one.
    Here in the UK we’ve now got an evangelical television channel. It’s the kind of thing that will be very familiar to everyone in the United States, especially if you’ve ever switched on your TV set on a Sunday morning and seen one holy man after another urging you to send money so that Jesus can buy a new Cadillac. Apparently, Jesus can’t save the world until he’s been properly kitted out with a million dollar mansion and a private jet. Some small print in the Gospels that we must have missed.
    They spend a lot of their time praising the lord and praying, these people (when they’re not having extramarital sex with rentboys, obviously), and preaching about a heaven that sounds to me like the afterlife from hell, because they’re all going to be there.
    And everything they do, they do in Jesus’ name. This is one thing I’ve noticed, that almost every second sentence is followed by the words: “In Jesus’ name.”
    Every fake healing and every insincere blessing, every lowdown skulking mean-spirited nasty mealy-mouthed double-talking lie they tell, is told in Jesus’ name.
    Like baking soda, Jesus’ name just helps to take away some of the unpleasant odour of what they’re really all about, which is raking in mountains of cold hard cash, all tax free, so ultimately paid for by you and me. In Jesus’ name, of course.
    In a way you can’t really blame the televangelists, because they’re only behaving according to their nature as blood-sucking predators. And they do fulfil a need, of sorts, because it’s said that about a third of the population are what’s called true blievers, people who want to believe, who have a need to believe, and who are determined to believe in something. So you don’t even have to threaten these people with damnation. They already want to believe your bullshit, and more importantly they want to give you their money, like chickens throwing themselves into the fox’s mouth. What