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White House and in the Pentagon, because they’re all experts on their Bible in those two places. They know all about who begat whom, and who smote whom, and who spake unto whom, but they’re not quite sure where Italy is.
    But maybe I’m wrong to be concerned about all this, or about the fact that forty-five percent of Republican voters call themselves born again evangelical Christians (and they don’t mean it as an insult). Or that President Bush senior says he doesn’t think atheists should even be considered citizens. Or that so many people in the world’s most advanced country don’t want evolution taught in schools because they believe the earth was formed six thousand years ago, shortly after the invention of the wheel. It was a world where people and dinosaurs lived together, apparently, just like in the Flintstones.
    And this is appropriate, because to me America is like a dinosaur, a massive powerful animal with a tiny brain.
    My country, Britain, is like a much smaller animal, but with a brain that’s just as tiny; those two things could rattle around together like two peas in a bucket, and you couldn’t tell them apart.
    So if I’m anti-American, I’m also anti-British, because I’m anti-stupid.
    And yes, that would include anyone who thinks America is one nation under God any more than it was before the Pledge of Allegiance was hijacked by Christian zealots.
    Or that “In God we trust” is some kind of American national motto any more than it was before the currency was hijacked by Christian zealots.
    The truth is America is not a nation under God at all. It’s a nation under a spell. It’s only a matter of time before these people start pushing for the cross to be shown on the American flag. You think I’m joking, but you know I’m not.
    Now the real irony here, of course, is that if Jesus Christ was American president what a different world this would be. But of course that’s just an impossible dream, because there’s no way that Jesus would ever be elected president. How many right-wing Christians are going to vote for a liberal Jew? You’ve got more chance of getting blood out of a Jehovah’s Witness. He’s from the Middle East and he looks like a goddamned hippie. The Fox network would crucify him, if he hadn’t already been arrested as a terrorist.
    No, I think right now America is just a little too Christian for Jesus.
    But I’m optimistic that this will change, because I love America and everything it stands for. Well, everything it originally stood for before it was hijacked by Christian zealots.
    And I know that if everybody on the planet followed the principles of the American Constitution this would be a much more civilised world than it is.
    Right now it’s a world of chaos, choking under the poison cloud of religious dogma. Wherever you look, from the Indian subcontinent to the Middle East to Africa to the future Islamic republic of Europe, you know in your heart that if America isn’t going to lead us out of the Dark Ages, nobody is.
    And that’s why you won’t find anybody on this planet who is more pro-American than I am.
    Thank you very much, and peace, especially to Americans.

11.
Why Are We Friends with Saudi Arabia?
    May 14, 2007
    Despite the current war on terror, or Islam, or whatever you want to call it, both Britain and America are still very good friends with certain Arab countries because these countries provide us with a valuable service. They allow us to send people we don’t like to their countries to be tortured legally, and that way we’re not doing anything morally wrong.
    One of these countries is the kingdom of Saudi Arabia, which is well known as an exclusively Islamic country. None of this multifaith nonsense for them. In fact, it’s against the law even to preach Christianity in Saudi Arabia, and the penalty is death. Well, that would certainly put a stop to it, so let’s not dismiss it out of hand.
    This is because they subscribe to sharia