God Is Disappointed In You Read Online Free PDF

question. But the advantage of having so few men was that they could move around quickly and quietly. He could maneuver them undetected at night and take them on field trips. Gideon discovered that he could sneak his entire force right up to the Midianite camp without anyone noticing.  
    The Midianites were all fast asleep or jerking off in their tents when they were woken up by a loud trumpet blast. They got out of bed to find themselves being ambushed. The Midianites fumbled for their weapons.
They panicked, stabbed each other in the dark, and ran away half-dressed into the night, assuming they’d been attacked by a huge army.  
    The people offered to make Gideon a judge, but he decided that he didn’t really like this kind of work. He asked for one gold earring from every man in Israel as payment for his services, and retired.
    Also among the judges was Jephtah, son of Gilead. Jephtah was born poor tent park trash and was tough as nails. In a barroom brawl, he was unstoppable. But because his mother was a prostitute, the rest of his family kept him out of sight like an old pair of acid-washed jeans, until they became embroiled in a nasty land dispute with some foreigners. Knowing there was a fight coming, they turned to Jephtah and made him their leader.
    Jephtah strapped on his headband and his leather vest. He mounted his low-rider camel and rode into battle. Jephtah beat the hell out of the foreigners and returned home a champion. Jephtah was feeling so good that he swore to take the first thing he saw and burn it as an offering to God. As he rolled up into the tent park, he looked around for a sheep or a goat that might be milling around in the front yard. Instead, his front door flung open and his only daughter came running out to give him a hug.  
    When he saw his only daughter running up to him, he burst into tears and tore his leather vest in grief. He told his daughter about the oath he’d made.  
    “Since you made a promise to God,” she told him, “you can’t back out, no matter how stupid it is. All I ask is that you give me two months to roam the hills and say goodbye to my friends.”
    Two months later, his daughter returned and was burned as a human sacrifice to God. This started a tradition where every year the girls of Israel leave home for four days to mourn the daughter of Jephtah. Perhaps the most famous judge of all was Samson. He was sort of like the Jewish Hercules. God granted Samson supernatural strength on the condition that he never cut his hair. By this time, a tribe of seafaring merchants called the Philistines had taken over and were ruling Israel. Despite their name, the Philistines were actually a cultured, cosmopolitan people. They loved art and imported wine.  

    Samson fought the Philistines, but not really as a freedom fighter. He was more like a seventeen-year-old in a letterman’s jacket, challenging the Philistines to a fight in the parking lot of a Burger King.
He’d wander into town, beat up a bunch of random Philistines, and later when their buddies cornered him at a whorehouse, he’d not only clobbered the guys who came to him, but he’d tear the city gates off their hinges and carry them off as a prank.
    Samson also had a thing for hot Philistine women. He married a Philistine, then threw her out of the house after she cost him a bet. Nor was Samson a very gracious ex-husband. When she remarried, Samson’s wedding present to her was to take 300 foxes, light their tails on fire and set them loose in the wheat fields, destroying the Philistine’s crops. After that, about a thousand Philistines showed up at Samson’s house to kick his ass, but Samson killed them all with the jawbone of a donkey which was conveniently laying nearby.  
    Despite the flop that was his first marriage, Samson fell for another Philistine, named Delilah. Delilah was the kind of trouble that wears a name tag. Once married, she immediately started pestering Samson into telling her the