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don't.
    All I know is when I focus, for even a short amount of time, on wanting my light to brighten, it does. It has always been that way. Even when I was three or four years old I remember walking to the front of the Haven, just as I am now, and bringing Light with me. Back then, I remember it made me so happy. So proud to be so helpful. My parents were with me, and Charles. Mom and Dad would tell me what a gift I was to the world, how they would do anything to help me use my light for good.
    Then they left me. Forgetting their promises of protection. Forgetting me altogether.
    I remember one time I asked Dad what The Light would have done if Mom and him hadn't come here before I was born. If Mom had given birth to me someplace else, because then The Light would have never known their prophet was alive. Dad gently told me to silence questions like that. He told me thinking like that would do nothing but bring harm to us all.
    So I listened to him. I didn't want the people I loved to get hurt and I knew by going into the Haven with my bright light, everyone did seem happier, more content, relaxed. And I knew that by going into the Energy Room at night, I was releasing energy that would allow food to grow and water to warm and boats to be powered.
    Being quiet kept people well.
    I never wavered in those convictions until I met Lucy. Lucy, who put words to the questions I've silently debated. Lucy who challenged a system that's kept me captive. Meeting her allowed me to think, for the first time; that maybe my destiny could be bigger than this Refuge. Bigger than me.
    At the front of the Haven I stand with a clear view of all the people who live here, serve here, for the cause of The Light. They come to the Haven each morning on the pretense that by being filled with the Light coming out of me they will be more holy. They believe I am here on Earth to help make them more pure and clean, eliminating the darkness from them and the world. They believe that once the world is eradicating of all the darkness, their heavenly bodies will reign on earth once more.
    I'm the one leading this charge. At least, that's what they think. In reality, I'm just figurehead of a religion that is led by corrupt men looking for control. And the men have the control they want. The Humblemen control their Vessels, the Councilmen control each Refuge, and the Head Councilman controls us all.
    The Nobleman is a convenient by-product. I am a by-product. My bizarre ability gave their power-hungry religion street cred.
    So here I am, planted in a no-win situation where if I choose to flee the Refuge and go to Lucy, I'm leaving innocent people to perish. But by choosing to stay, I'm agreeing to a belief system I deem to be a hoax.
    The Vessels still fill the Haven with their voices, and I try to ignore all the questions rushing through my mind about what's going to happen next, for all of us. I must put all of my focus on getting to Refuge Two. I can't plan further than that. I look over the sanctuary and see Perfection near the front. She's looking at her fingernails, not filled with the energy in the room like so many others. She's the anomaly, too busy being bored.
    Looking around I watch to see if other people respond to my light with the same ambivalence as her. Plenty of children sit peacefully with their eyes closed and heads back. Women and men sit with folded hands, genuinely washed in tranquility. It's the strangest thing, even when I am dead-set against The Light, there is no denying the serenity that is given when people lap up the bright rays streaming out of me. Whether I like it or not I have a power within me.
    If only I understood it .
    The service ends like clockwork, sixty minutes each morning. Even though the Head Councilman has stated over and over how he wishes to shorten the time spent each day in the Haven, wasted hours when Vessels and Humblemen could be productive, he can't refute that when the Refuge spends time in my light they are