Getting Over Getting Mad: Positive Ways to Manage Anger in Your Most Important Relationships Read Online Free PDF Page A

why when you get a flat tire you kick the car, when you lock yourself out of the house you throw your wallet, when you break your favorite antique vase you swear. Anger and loss are part of life, as are personal disappointment and family turmoil. Life doesn't go smoothly, things go wrong, you can't control others, you can't control your beloved; eventually you and your loved ones die.
    Fortunately that's not the entire story. There is the other side. When you get a flat tire you may feel angry because you'll be late for your appointment, but you can feel grateful that you have a car. When you lock yourself out of the house, you might feel frustrated that you have pay the locksmith to make a house call, but you can express your gratitude that you have a roof over your head. When you break your antique vase, you can be sad for the loss and thankful that you were able enjoy it for awhile. When your sweetheart dies, you can feel grateful that you were blessed with so much love.
    Much of the twisted and toxic anger that we see displayed through violence, aggression, and war is due to this ever-present struggle—unconscious though it may be—to come to terms with the inevitability of loss and death. Marne, upset over her mother's untimely illness and death, found herself snapping at her sister-in-law until she realized that she was mad at the medical system and God. When she looked deeper, she found that her anger at God was preventing her from accepting the kindness of the many people who wanted to comfort her.
    To find the spiritual lessons that anger can bring, we must be willingto see the bigger picture; we must shift our focus away from our inconvenience and upset toward the joy that is always present in our lives. We must step back from our anger so that we can be grateful.
    Life and loss, beauty and death, love and anger are closely intertwined. When you react to everyday annoyances as if the world has just come to an end, it's a signal for you to explore life's bigger questions, to search for the spiritual nugget.
    The more anger a situation causes you, the more you need to look for the spiritual lesson it holds.

Walk the Higher Road
    Because society needs people who conform to its norms, it imposes its rules and values on us as we grow up. The only thing we possess to counteract society's pressure is our feelings, and one of those protective feelings is anger. That angry voice inside you is like David standing up to Goliath—it calls you to right action.
    You know you're on the road to healing when you start feeling angry. The anger may not be specific or related to anything you can identify; it may be a generalized anger that you can't pin down. Used in a positive way, that anger will empower you to move forward. “Aren't you mad that your husband died?” people asked me. I'd shrug my shoulders and say, “I don't know.” Initially I was too numb to feel mad. It was only as I was getting better, coming out of the shock, that I started to feel. And I felt a wide range of anger, from mildly annoyed to downright infuriated. I realized that I would have to manage my anger or it could destroy me.
    The higher road to anger management involves asking yourself, “What is going on here? What does it have to do with me? What do I have to learn? What positive impact can I make?” It's waiting, pausing, figuring out what is going on before opening your mouth, before taking any action. It's being grateful for what you're discovering.
    Anger is a crucial shove toward determining priorities, values, needs, your bottom line. It's a beacon shedding light on the kind of person you want to be and the virtues you want to embrace. Taking time to consider how you want to live your life, what your needs and priorities are is walking the higher road. When you find yourself reacting like an explosive device, try stepping back and asking yourself these questions: “Is this how I want to behave? Is this the life I want to be living? Is