Getting Over Getting Mad: Positive Ways to Manage Anger in Your Most Important Relationships Read Online Free PDF

this who I am?” If you find yourself chronically angry, it's a signal that you've been avoiding these questions.
    How you feel is up to you. No one else has anything to say about it. And in a sense, it isn't even up to you. How you feel is simply how you feel. That's it! And when you get that, when you fully appreciate and honor that, you will instantly be a stronger and more fulfilled human being. Because even more important than what you feel is how you feel about what you feel. When you feel OK about your feelings, regardless of what they are, your self-esteem is unassailable and you're no longer mad all thetime.
    When you admit that destructive expressions of anger are causing problems in your life, then you're walking the higher road. When you find constructive outlets for your pent-up energy, when you demonstrate a willingness to do something positive and creative with your anger, you're becoming emotionally mature.
    Examining your anger and using it to understand who you are is right action. It puts you in the presence of the Divine.

Find the Fear
    A burst of irritation, like spontaneous laughter, let's you know that you're alive. Being alive means you have lessons to learn, mistakes to make, challenges to face, painful growth to experience, and fears to overcome. Life is a glorious gift. Everything is divine, including me and you. We can learn from everything—even anger and fear.
    After taking an anger management class, James acknowledged, “Most of my anger has to do with unmet needs and fears. I'd come home from work and if things weren't the way I wanted, I'd get mad. I alienated my wife and scared my kids. I know now that anger covers up my fear, but since a man is not supposed to be afraid, I'd get mad instead.”
    Anger seldom comes by itself; fear almost always accompanies it. Fear and anger are roadblocks to happiness. If you sense that you are standing on the sidelines while your life is passing you by, that's an indication that fear has taken hold. You have permission to hold onto fear as long as you want, but it will exhaust you and keep you from living. Fear paralyzes you. It wraps you in a blanket of passive resignation, unable to participate in life. Maggie is afraid of flying. She resents her friends when they take vacations and don't choose spots within driving distance. But so far she hasn't done anything about it except grow bitter.
    Whatever you fear is the very thing that you must tackle. I don't mean that you must go bungee jumping because you're afraid of heights, but if you're afraid of flying, it could be beneficial to take a course. Afraid of applying for a job, anxious about calling your mother- in-law and asking her to baby-sit, afraid of talking to the dentist about the bill? Afraid of asking your boss for a raise? Whatever you are dreading, that's the thing you must face.
    You may not be able to drop fear completely, but you can overcome it by getting comfortable with the sensations of fear in your body. When you're fearful you start to tremble and shake, to quiver and quake. Let the fear take possession. Enjoy it! If you're afraid of fear, you really will be paralyzed. You will not live totally. You may be attracted to woman or a man but you hold back, and soon you're missing life. Fear and anger are debilitating.
    All self-doubts are based in fear. We think, “It's too late for me,” or “I'd like to, but. . . ,” or “What difference will it make?” or “It's too hard,” or “I'mtoo old, too fat, too ugly, not smart enough.” It takes guts and courage to uncover the fear beneath resignation, but don't you think it's worth it?
    At the bottom of anger are two big fears—the fear of living and the fear of dying.

Take Grudges to the Dump
    One way to rid yourself of the bondage of resentment is to write a “mad list” and then take your grudges to the dump. The purpose of a mad list is not to enflame grudges or to keep them burning, but to face them squarely, to see what