Generational Sins Read Online Free PDF Page A

reached out and caught her. I could smell her floral shampoo and almost state her skin, slick with sweat. Her body was soft and pliable against me. I groaned out loud.
    A moment later she righted herself on her ridiculous shoes and stepped out of my arms. "David?" she said surprised. "You startled me."
    I took a deep breath. Calm the fuck down.
    "Sorry," I choked, "I just wanted to say ‘hello’."
    "What are you doing here?" she asked.
    "I could ask them same of you," I replied.
    She laughed and the air cleared a little. "It's Molly's birthday," she said indicating the blonde. "We're celebrating."
    She introduced me to her friends. Apparently these two had dressed her up and dragged her out. The pants were not hers, neither were the shoes. I had to get off of this dance floor. I would not be responsible for my actions if she started to move again.
    "Let me buy you lovely ladies a round of drinks," I offered. They followed me to the bar.
    We found an empty table off to the side and sat down. We talked for a while but the thumping music made it nearly impossible to hold a conversation. As I was finishing my second beer, number Fourteen walked in. I couldn't remember her name. She brought a friend this time, how convenient. The two of them made their way over to me. Normally, I would have shrugged her off, but I couldn't sit there with Kat any longer. I couldn't have her, and I couldn't stay away from her. So I did the unthinkable: I left her at the table with her friends and went to dance with Fourteen and soon-to-be-Seventeen.
    She should have been angry watching me grind against those girls. It should have pissed her off that I left her for some slutty bitch, but when I looked into her eyes, all I saw was hurt–I had hurt her—and it felt like I had been stabbed in the guts.
    I tried not to look at her.
    I tried to ignore her when she got up from the table and walked out into the night.
    I pretended that I didn't see the tears in her eyes.
    I tried not to think about her as I undressed Seventeen.
    I tried to forget her as another woman wrapped her lips around my cock.
    I was impotent for the first time in my life.
    No matter what I tried, my dick went soft. I left Seventeen's apartment, both of us unsatisfied, and walked back to campus in the rain.
    I wasn't meeting my expectations. My father would be ashamed of me. Kat would be disappointed in me. They amounted to the same thing: failure.
    I sat on the ground with my back against the brick wall of her dormitory slowly getting soaked by the cold rain. The scenes played out in my head like a bad Turner Classic rerun.
    I was seven. My mother had another doctor's wife over to the house, and she had brought her daughter who was about my age. When they left, the little girl accidentally left one of her dolls in our living room. It was a pretty little thing, with a delicate blue flowered dress and golden silk hair. I found it and played with it for the rest of the afternoon.
    When my father came home he yelled at my mother for letting me play with dolls. He said that it would make me soft, that it would turn me into a faggot. I didn't understand what those things meant, but I understood his screaming, and I understood his hand on the side of my face as he took the doll away and told me that I would never touch another one. Eventually my mother tried to stop him. She knew that he was hurting me. But he only turned his anger on her instead.
    That was the first time that I realized how much my father was a man to be feared.
    I was ten when I walked in on them having sex. I heard strange noises and went to investigate. "Mom?" I called as I opened the bedroom door.
    He had her bent over the side of the bed, her head pulled back by her hair. I could see black and blue marks all along her legs and ass. I was confused. I thought he was hurting her. Of course, he probably was hurting her, but in a far more complicated way than I had ever imagined.
    I told him to stop it.
    He laughed and