couldn't believe this! I kneeled beside her and spoke very slowly. "Are you telling us your grandfather is Big Apfel, the baseball player?"
Mitzi nodded.
"I have his baseball card," I said. "I know his stats by heart!"
"You want to play in his game?" Mitzi asked.
"His game?" I said.
53
She nodded again. "We play every Sunday."
"Are you saying that anyone who wants to play ball with Big Apfel, can?"
"You have to pass the over-under test first."
"What's the over-under test?"
"You have to be over four and under a hundred and four."
"And that's it?" I asked.
"That's it," she said.
"Ya-h oo..." I yelled, jumping so high I almost knocked over one of Mrs. A's hanging plants. "This is the best news I've heard in a long time!"
" Is it the best news of the century?" Fudge asked.
" It could be!" I told him, as I ya-hooed again.
In a minute all three of us were jumping up and down and ya-h ooing all over the porch.
That's when the Perfect Baby-Sitter appeared, holding a pitcher of juice. "I'm gone for five minutes," she said. "Five minutes and look at you... carrying on like a bunch of monkeys!"
"But, honey," Fudge said, "it's the best news of the century!"
"What's the best news of the century?" Sheila asked.
"Who knows?" Fudge said. "I don't even know what a century is!"
54
I ran all the way home. As soon as I got there I called Jimmy Fargo. I'm not supposed to make long-distance calls without permission. But this was definitely a special occasion.
I was still trying to catch my breath when Jimmy answered. "Are you sitting or standing?" I asked.
"Standing."
"Well, sit down."
"Okay..." he said. "I'm sitting."
"Where?" I asked.
"What's the difference?"
"I want to imagine how you look when I tell you the news.''
"I'm sitting on the floor in the kitchen," Jimmy said. "With my back against the refrigerator."
"Okay... I've got the picture."
"So what's the story?" Jimmy asked.
"You're never going to believe who our neighbor is up here." I paused for a second and took a deep breath. Then I dropped the news. "Big Apfel."
Jimmy didn't say anything.
"You fainted, right?" I said.
"No."
"But you're speechless..."
"No,"
"You don't believe me?"
"I believe you," Jimmy said. "But I don't get it.
55
Did you say Big Apple is your neighbor or what?"
"I said Big Apfel! Boston Red Sox. The greatest center fielder of all time."
"Ty Cobb was the greatest center fielder of all time... or maybe Willie Mays."
I wasn't going to argue with Jimmy. Instead, I explained that this was a chance for us to play ball with one of the greats. I reminded him to bring his glove and his Mets cap to Maine. Then I waited for him to say something. When he didn't I asked, "Are you still there?"
"I strike out a lot," he finally said.
"Who doesn't?"
"Probably Big Apfel."
"We're not talking about the major leagues. We're talking about your basic Sunday ball game."
"Speaking of basic..." Jimmy said, "how's it going with the Queen of Cooties?"
"Uh... I hardly ever see her. She's got a job, baby-sitting."
"That's a relief!" Jimmy said.
I didn't tell him who she was baby-sitting.
I couldn't get to sleep that night. I kept thinking about Jimmy and me playing ball on Big Apfel's team. But that reminded me that Jimmy still doesn't know we're sharing a house with the Tubmans.
56
I have to come up with a good excuse--and soon---or I'll never hear the end of it from him.
I tossed and turned, as Fudge babbled in his sleep. I gave him a kick and he rolled over. After a while, I got out of bed and tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. It's so quiet in the country... and dark. In the city it's never dark. You can always look out your window and see lights. It's never quiet either. You can hear the buzz of traffic even in the middle of the night.
I used the toilet, then flushed. And that's when it came to me... the perfect excuse for sharing a house with the Tubmans!
I flushed again and imagined myself telling Jimmy the long, sad story. I'd
Mitzi nodded.
"I have his baseball card," I said. "I know his stats by heart!"
"You want to play in his game?" Mitzi asked.
"His game?" I said.
53
She nodded again. "We play every Sunday."
"Are you saying that anyone who wants to play ball with Big Apfel, can?"
"You have to pass the over-under test first."
"What's the over-under test?"
"You have to be over four and under a hundred and four."
"And that's it?" I asked.
"That's it," she said.
"Ya-h oo..." I yelled, jumping so high I almost knocked over one of Mrs. A's hanging plants. "This is the best news I've heard in a long time!"
" Is it the best news of the century?" Fudge asked.
" It could be!" I told him, as I ya-hooed again.
In a minute all three of us were jumping up and down and ya-h ooing all over the porch.
That's when the Perfect Baby-Sitter appeared, holding a pitcher of juice. "I'm gone for five minutes," she said. "Five minutes and look at you... carrying on like a bunch of monkeys!"
"But, honey," Fudge said, "it's the best news of the century!"
"What's the best news of the century?" Sheila asked.
"Who knows?" Fudge said. "I don't even know what a century is!"
54
I ran all the way home. As soon as I got there I called Jimmy Fargo. I'm not supposed to make long-distance calls without permission. But this was definitely a special occasion.
I was still trying to catch my breath when Jimmy answered. "Are you sitting or standing?" I asked.
"Standing."
"Well, sit down."
"Okay..." he said. "I'm sitting."
"Where?" I asked.
"What's the difference?"
"I want to imagine how you look when I tell you the news.''
"I'm sitting on the floor in the kitchen," Jimmy said. "With my back against the refrigerator."
"Okay... I've got the picture."
"So what's the story?" Jimmy asked.
"You're never going to believe who our neighbor is up here." I paused for a second and took a deep breath. Then I dropped the news. "Big Apfel."
Jimmy didn't say anything.
"You fainted, right?" I said.
"No."
"But you're speechless..."
"No,"
"You don't believe me?"
"I believe you," Jimmy said. "But I don't get it.
55
Did you say Big Apple is your neighbor or what?"
"I said Big Apfel! Boston Red Sox. The greatest center fielder of all time."
"Ty Cobb was the greatest center fielder of all time... or maybe Willie Mays."
I wasn't going to argue with Jimmy. Instead, I explained that this was a chance for us to play ball with one of the greats. I reminded him to bring his glove and his Mets cap to Maine. Then I waited for him to say something. When he didn't I asked, "Are you still there?"
"I strike out a lot," he finally said.
"Who doesn't?"
"Probably Big Apfel."
"We're not talking about the major leagues. We're talking about your basic Sunday ball game."
"Speaking of basic..." Jimmy said, "how's it going with the Queen of Cooties?"
"Uh... I hardly ever see her. She's got a job, baby-sitting."
"That's a relief!" Jimmy said.
I didn't tell him who she was baby-sitting.
I couldn't get to sleep that night. I kept thinking about Jimmy and me playing ball on Big Apfel's team. But that reminded me that Jimmy still doesn't know we're sharing a house with the Tubmans.
56
I have to come up with a good excuse--and soon---or I'll never hear the end of it from him.
I tossed and turned, as Fudge babbled in his sleep. I gave him a kick and he rolled over. After a while, I got out of bed and tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. It's so quiet in the country... and dark. In the city it's never dark. You can always look out your window and see lights. It's never quiet either. You can hear the buzz of traffic even in the middle of the night.
I used the toilet, then flushed. And that's when it came to me... the perfect excuse for sharing a house with the Tubmans!
I flushed again and imagined myself telling Jimmy the long, sad story. I'd
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