Fudge-A-Mania Read Online Free PDF Page A

"People don't breathe for birds."
    "That's how much you know!"
    Sheila looked at me.
    "He means a bird breeder," I said. Without me around she'll never understand him.
    "Oh... a bird breeder," Sheila said. "That makes more sense."
    "What makes more sense?" Fudge asked.
    "Being a bird breeder," Sheila said.
    "What's a breeder?" Fudge asked.
    "Someone who breeds birds and animals,"
    "What's breeds?"
    Sheila looked at me again.
    "You wanted to be in charge," I said. "You answer his questions."
    "It's someone who raises animals," Sheila explained. "Like a dog breeder raises dogs and a cat breeder raises cats and a bird breeder raises birds."
    "And a baby breeder raises babies?" Fudge asked.
    "Not exactly," Sheila told him. "Parents raise babies."
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    "How come baby breeders don't raise babies?"
    "I don't know!" Sheila said. "It just doesn't work that way."
    I started to laugh. Just wait till she finds out how many questions he asks a day!
    "Now come down from that tree!" Sheila told Fudge.
    "No!"
    "Very well," she said, sounding exactly like our fifth-grade teacher. She marched off toward the garage and came back with a ten-foot ladder. Just as she got it to the tree, Fudge scrambled down, fast as a squirrel. "Ha ha..." he sang. "Fooled you, didn't I?"
    Sheila put her hands on his shoulders and her face right up close to his. "Now listen to me, Fudge Hatcher... I made a deal with your mother. I'm going to be your baby-sitter and you're..."
    He didn't wait for her to finish. "I thought you're going to be my wife."
    "First, I'm going to be your baby-sitter," she said. "And if that works out we'll talk about the wedding!"
    After lunch everyone went off to their afternoon activities, just like at summer camp. Libby went to work at Ickle's Ice Cream Parlor. Grandma and Buzzy Senior went for a hike
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    in Acadia National Park. Mom and Dad took Tootsie to the pond to see the ducks. The Tubmans went to visit friends. And Sheila took Fudge down to the beach.
    So for once there was no one around to bother me... no one to ask stupid questions. This is the life , I thought, as I stretched out in the hammock in the backyard. I can do anything I feel like doing now. I can finish my Gary Paulsen book... or ride my bicycle out to the lighthouse...
    I looked over at Turtle, who was sleeping in the sun. I could tell he was having a dream by the way his legs and tail twitched. I thought about taking him for a walk. He could use the exercise. Since we got here he's been sleeping a lot. A walk to the beach would do him good. I jumped up and called, "Come on, boy... let's go have some fun!"
    Turtle opened his eyes and looked at me. He yawned. "Don't you want to go to the beach?" I asked, tugging at his collar. But he still wouldn't budge.
    "Okay... fine," I told him. "Just sit there!"
    I walked away, sure he would follow me. But when I turned back to check he was asleep again. Who cares? I thought. I don't need him. I don't need anyone. I can have plenty of fun on my own.
    I walked through the woods to the beach.
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    Sheila and Fudge were out in front of Mrs. A's house, rock hunting. What a joke! The whole beach is made of pink rocks. When the tide is out you can walk on rocks for miles.
    I headed in their direction. At first they didn't notice me. They were too busy choosing rocks to dump in their bucket. So I snuck up right behind Sheila and made a loud barking sound. Rrruuufff!
    Sheila jumped about three feet. She was really mad when she saw it was me. "Who invited you?" she shouted.
    "It's a public beach," I told her. "I don't need an invitation."
    "I want you to know, Peter Hatcher, that even if you spend all day, every day with us, you're still not getting a penny of my baby-sitting money!"
    "I don't want your money!"
    "Then what are you doing here?" she asked.
    "Anyone who feels like being here can be here," I told her.
    "So how come you didn't feel like being here before? How come you suddenly feel like it now?"
    I spread my arms wide and