Finding Faith Read Online Free PDF Page B

suffering without you?” He slid his thumbs hard back and forth along my cheeks.
    That was a touch that told me he was pissed. If it was any other man touching me like that I would be scared that he would hurt me. But it was John, and I knew he couldn’t. The touch said pissed, but his eyes suddenly showed all the love that he never lost.
    Even though the touch hurt, the words stung more. I didn’t want John to suffer because of me. Those were never my intentions. I turned my face to the ground, needing to break the connection. He had never been that passionate with me, or had he and never expressed it like this?
    If he had shown me this side maybe things would have turned out differently.
    He was letting his eyes speak for him, but I refused to do the same. If he saw what was in mine it would be harder to convince him to let me go.
    With his guts spilling at my feet, I realized I had handled our relationship wrong. Joy had been right. He deserved more back then. When I left I thought I had done the right thing by not telling him the plan, thinking he would forget me and move on. By his reaction tonight, I see how wrong I had been.
    None of that mattered now, nothing could make it right. I got burned too badly with Brad. I wouldn’t let that happen to me again. John didn’t need to get pulled into the fiasco. Even though it would all be cleared up soon, I wasn’t going to let him get involved in any of it. That was something I had to take care of by myself, and I couldn’t ask him to wait for the day I may be ready to date again and trust someone, which at this moment felt like never. That wouldn’t be fair to him.
    When I built up my nerves enough to look back into his eyes, they made me wish I could try to work things out, but he deserved a woman who wouldn’t run from him. And I was a runner.
    Those hazel eyes burned holes into me, sending shivers up my spine, demanding answers I couldn’t give.
    What I wouldn’t do to go back for just the happy times. My eyebrows furrowed at how unfair it turned out. He was better off leaving and trying to forget we ever ran into each other. I had to make him see that.
    “John, you deserve someone better than me. Someone who will appreciate you and that you can make a family with.”
    “Faith, I deserve you. I want to do that with you,” he said with conviction.
    I wavered for a split second, but quickly regained my composure, hoping he hadn’t noticed the doubt that flashed across my face.
    “John, you need to go. Find someone who will love you. You deserve someone who will run to you, not away from you.”
    I turned my face back to the ground as I spoke, finding the same oak knot from earlier, knowing the reaction that comment would induce. It was a stab to both of our hearts, but if that’s what it took to get John to move on, then that’s what I had to do.
    “What are you saying, Faith? You never loved me?” His voice came out raspy and bitter.
    “John, please just leave before I say something else to make you hate me even more than you already do,” I begged.
    He bent down, putting his face so close I could feel his warm breath. “Faith, what are you talking about? I don’t hate you.”
    I could see John was lost, it showed in his eyes. The wheels in his head were spinning. He didn’t know what to do next.
    “Please, John, just leave.” I mustered up all the strength I had left in my body to fight him off.
    His touch made me sizzle, and I knew I could easily give in to anything he asked for if I wasn’t careful. I took a step away from him as a precaution. His proximity was clouding my thoughts. The musky scent of his body was messing with my judgment.
    I wasn’t as sure as I pretended to be. If he could see my insecurity, I was doomed. His eyes were glued to my face, looking for any sign of weakness that he could pounce on. I made my face void of any emotion and waited.
    With narrowed eyes he watched me, only roaming down the entire length of my body