Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook Read Online Free PDF Page B

clove, minced
    1 lime, zested and juiced
    ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
    1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, cut into 8 pieces, patted dry with paper towels
    1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt
    Chopped chives
    1   Preheat the oven to 400°F. Whisk together the cream, mustard, garlic, lime zest and juice, and pepper. Rub the chicken parts with the salt. Drizzle the cream mixture over the chicken, tossing to coat.
    2   Line a jelly-roll pan or baking sheet with a nonstick liner, or with aluminum foil, oiling the foil. Arrange the chicken to fit in a single layer, leaving breathing room between the pieces. Roast for 20 minutes, then raise the oven temperature to 500°F and continue to roast until the chicken is cooked through and golden skinned; the tender breasts will take about 25 minutes, and muscled legs will need 5 to 10 minutes more. Serve the chicken garnished with chives.

Chile-Lashed Fricassee
    T he ingredients list on the Sub-Zero is unusually detailed today. It’s classic Blades—bossy, elaborate, and demanding, and it ends with “PURE New Mexico chile powder.”
    Jeez. To his usual arsenal of barked commands, bullying stares, and aggressive flavoring, he’s now added shouty capitals. Is he trying to impress me or intimidate me? He’s so mysterious.
    When he struts back into the kitchen, barefoot in jeans and a tight black T-shirt, he places a bag of bright red powder on the counter in front of me.
    “I brought us something new to play with today.”
    I think I’m scared of whatever it is.
    But I can’t take my mind off the chile. It looks dangerous, exotic, hot. I imagine his skilled fingers rubbing that tangy sting deep into my skin. Who’s hot tonight, squawks my inner goddess, who’s hot tonight? She’s got a little pitchfork and she’s thrusting it up and down suggestively. I’m really not sure what she’s trying to tell me with that one, but somehow it’s convincing.
    He’s at the front burner of the Wolf sweating onions and peppers, his apron hanging off his hips in that special way. He pours himself a little wine and sways to music only he can hear. I feel loose-limbed, my bones like jelly.
    My stars. The onions aren’t the only thing he’s sweating.
    chicken fricassee with prosciutto, tomatoes, and sweet peppers
    SERVES 4
    1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, cut into 8 pieces, patted dry with paper towels
    2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt, plus more to taste
    ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
    1 cup dry white wine
    6 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
    1 teaspoon pure chile powder such as New Mexico
    1 teaspoon sweet paprika
    ½ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
    2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, more as needed
    2 ounces chopped prosciutto or other cured ham
    2 small red onions, each cut into 6 wedges
    2 red bell peppers, cut into ½-inch-thick strips
    6 plum tomatoes (1½ pounds), halved lengthwise or quartered if large
    1 cup unsalted chicken broth or water
    Fresh basil, for serving
    1   Rub the chicken with the salt and pepper, and let it rest in a baking pan. Mix together the wine, garlic, chile powder, paprika, and red pepper flakes and pour over the chicken. Cover with plastic wrap and marinate overnight in the refrigerator, turning the chicken once.
    2   Preheat the oven to 325°F.
    3   Remove the chicken from the marinade, reserving the marinade. Pat the chicken dry. Heat a Dutch oven or very large cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat and warm 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Add the prosciutto and sear on all sides until golden brown around the edges, 1 to 2 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the prosciutto to a plate and set aside. Add another tablespoon of olive oil to the pan. Add the chicken and sear in batches on all sides over medium-high heat until golden brown, 8 to 10 minutes (add more oil if necessary). Transfer the chicken as it browns to a plate.
    4   Add the onions and bell peppers to the pan and cook over medium heat until tender, 7 to 10 minutes. Add