before?”
I glance between him and Jennika—her face stricken with worry, his creased with morbid curiosity—then I roll my head ’til I’m facing the other way, preferring a view of the elaborate blue-tiled bathroom to either of them. There’s no point in defending myself to those who refuse to be swayed.
“You spoke of glowing people chasing you, large black crows taunting you, along with thousands of severed bloodied heads that filled up the square and beckoned to you.”
A gasp fills the room, prompting me to turn just in time to see Fatima clutching the small golden hamsa charm that hangs from her neck, her head bowed in hushed, fervent prayer, until a sharp word from the doctor warns her to stop.
“I’m afraid these can easily be classified as delusions of a rather paranoid nature.” He returns to me. “And while I have no idea what might have provoked the episode as there were no drugs or alcohol involved, I will say that it’s not uncommon for a genetic, chemical imbalance to begin showing signs of itself during the latter part of adolescence.” His words now directed at Jennika when he adds, “It is my understanding that Daire has just reached her sixteenth birthday?”
Jennika nods, lifts a hand to her mouth and chews on a purple-painted nail.
“Well, excuse me for asking, but is there any history of mental illness in your family?”
I slide my gaze toward Jennika, seeing the way her face tightens. Her eyes brimming with barely checked tears as she stammers, “What? No! No. Or at least not—not that I’m aware of … nothing that I can think of … at least not offhand anyway…”
Her gaze grows distant as she shakes her head—two sure signs that she’s lying—holding on to some pertinent piece of info she refuses to share. A suspicion so horrible she’s unwilling to admit it to herself, much less the doctor, which only makes me even more curious. I have no idea who she could possibly suspect.
Jennika’s an only child who’s been on her own for a really long time. Didn’t even realize she was pregnant with me until after my dad had passed on. And though it took a while for her parents to adjust to the idea of their seventeen-year-old daughter giving birth when she should’ve been sitting for her SATs, they came around eventually. Helping her get her diploma, looking after me while she went on to get her cosmetology license at night school—she’d just scored her first job as an on-set makeup artist when they perished in a small plane crash on their way to a much-anticipated weekend in Napa Valley.
After selling the house and just about everything in it that didn’t fit into a duffle bag, Jennika and I hit the road, moving from set to set, staying either in short-term rentals or with random friends between gigs. She enrolled me in Internet school as soon as I was eligible—ensuring that we never slow down, never commit to anything we might miss when we lose it.
“Life is impermanent,” she likes to say. Claiming the majority of the people spend the majority of their lives trying to dodge all signs of change only to find that they can’t. As far as she’s concerned, we may as well embrace it—may as well seek the change before the change can seek us.
I’m the only lasting attachment she allows herself to have. For as long as I can remember, our family’s consisted of her and me and a slew of random people that stream in and out of our lives.
Somewhere out there is a grandmother I’ve never met—my dad’s mom. But Jennika refuses to talk about her. From what little I’ve managed to glean, my grandma disappeared right after she lost her only son. Pretty much just fell off the face of the earth, as Jennika tells it, and since she had no way to reach her, my grandma doesn’t even know I exist.
All of which brings me right back to … nothing. I have no idea who in the family might have gone psycho. Might’ve caused me, through some faulty genetic link, to go
I glance between him and Jennika—her face stricken with worry, his creased with morbid curiosity—then I roll my head ’til I’m facing the other way, preferring a view of the elaborate blue-tiled bathroom to either of them. There’s no point in defending myself to those who refuse to be swayed.
“You spoke of glowing people chasing you, large black crows taunting you, along with thousands of severed bloodied heads that filled up the square and beckoned to you.”
A gasp fills the room, prompting me to turn just in time to see Fatima clutching the small golden hamsa charm that hangs from her neck, her head bowed in hushed, fervent prayer, until a sharp word from the doctor warns her to stop.
“I’m afraid these can easily be classified as delusions of a rather paranoid nature.” He returns to me. “And while I have no idea what might have provoked the episode as there were no drugs or alcohol involved, I will say that it’s not uncommon for a genetic, chemical imbalance to begin showing signs of itself during the latter part of adolescence.” His words now directed at Jennika when he adds, “It is my understanding that Daire has just reached her sixteenth birthday?”
Jennika nods, lifts a hand to her mouth and chews on a purple-painted nail.
“Well, excuse me for asking, but is there any history of mental illness in your family?”
I slide my gaze toward Jennika, seeing the way her face tightens. Her eyes brimming with barely checked tears as she stammers, “What? No! No. Or at least not—not that I’m aware of … nothing that I can think of … at least not offhand anyway…”
Her gaze grows distant as she shakes her head—two sure signs that she’s lying—holding on to some pertinent piece of info she refuses to share. A suspicion so horrible she’s unwilling to admit it to herself, much less the doctor, which only makes me even more curious. I have no idea who she could possibly suspect.
Jennika’s an only child who’s been on her own for a really long time. Didn’t even realize she was pregnant with me until after my dad had passed on. And though it took a while for her parents to adjust to the idea of their seventeen-year-old daughter giving birth when she should’ve been sitting for her SATs, they came around eventually. Helping her get her diploma, looking after me while she went on to get her cosmetology license at night school—she’d just scored her first job as an on-set makeup artist when they perished in a small plane crash on their way to a much-anticipated weekend in Napa Valley.
After selling the house and just about everything in it that didn’t fit into a duffle bag, Jennika and I hit the road, moving from set to set, staying either in short-term rentals or with random friends between gigs. She enrolled me in Internet school as soon as I was eligible—ensuring that we never slow down, never commit to anything we might miss when we lose it.
“Life is impermanent,” she likes to say. Claiming the majority of the people spend the majority of their lives trying to dodge all signs of change only to find that they can’t. As far as she’s concerned, we may as well embrace it—may as well seek the change before the change can seek us.
I’m the only lasting attachment she allows herself to have. For as long as I can remember, our family’s consisted of her and me and a slew of random people that stream in and out of our lives.
Somewhere out there is a grandmother I’ve never met—my dad’s mom. But Jennika refuses to talk about her. From what little I’ve managed to glean, my grandma disappeared right after she lost her only son. Pretty much just fell off the face of the earth, as Jennika tells it, and since she had no way to reach her, my grandma doesn’t even know I exist.
All of which brings me right back to … nothing. I have no idea who in the family might have gone psycho. Might’ve caused me, through some faulty genetic link, to go
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